Letters from Tina, Part One

In past blogs I’ve reflected on people who come into and then slip out of our lives. A few leave an indelible mark on our consciousness while others are merely blips in a time and place long since forgotten. The images of those folks who remain can be blurry and obscured by a fading mind yet their impact on our lives somehow remains poignant and memorable.

Tina was such a person.

We were two lost souls seeking solace and companionship in a small town a dozen miles north of Copenhagen, Denmark. It was late 1967 and winter was fast approaching. We shared a mutual dissatisfaction with our jobs, a yearning for companionship and doubt about our future in Scandinavia. We were surrounded by signs of an encroaching winter and had no idea what our next steps were going to be…other than get out of town before the first snow storm locked us in for another six months.

I can’t remember where I first meet Tina. It was probably at some student party at the University in the city centre of Copenhagen. She worked as a nanny for a well-to-do couple who lived outside of town. This twenty-year-old expat tried to escape the confines of her work as often as she could. She would hang out at the university, drinking strong coffee in the student center, sharing a weed or two in the shadows of the campus and partying too much on weekends.

Drugs were easy to acquire back then and the laws pretty loose. Sex was a casual affair and there were plenty of male suitors to answer her physical needs. Tina earned extra money by waitressing in her spare time. She would earn an extra Kroner wherever she could and never apologize for her short-comings or ambition.

Back home was a closed book. There were occasional references to a father who had passed away a couple of years earlier, a mother with a serious drinking problem and a younger sister Tina worried a lot about. I never found out how Tina ended up in Denmark. She never said and I never asked.

She was nothing like the kind of woman I thought I wanted in my life permanently but she was an anchor in our foreign wilderness and another voice to talk to. She was damaged goods but I was a good listener.

I thought a lot about Tina and whatever happened to her after I stuck out my thumb for the south of France. I made it as far as Paris before malnutrition and loneliness got the best of me. Once safely ensconced back in the Twin Cities I sent a package of Tina’s clothes to her Mom along with a letter.

Ten months later Tina replied.

I came across those letters recently. There were four of them. All written after Tina had returned home and was trying to put her life back together again.

They covered a period of time in my own life when I was trying to establish a career and adjust to life stateside. I was working full-time as a writer for the Minnesota Department of Health. Most evenings, I was volunteering at the public television station and mixing and matching relationships in hopes of finding one that would stick.

Tina’s first letter explained what happened to her after we parted ways

September 18th, 1968

Dear Dennis,

Of course, I remember you. Our talks, my experiences and talks with Marlene, and Copenhagen in general marked a sort of jumping off point in my life. That’s hard to forget. I thought about those talks frequently all year long. It reflected, I think, me in transition.

Anyway, MY TRIP, Marlene and I hitched day and night as far as Nis, Yugoslavia, when we finally got very weary of freezing cold and amorous truck drivers. It was on the verge of snowing at every point along the way. We were stuck on so-called major highways in the middle of the night more times than I care to remember.

Anyway, after getting on a few wrong trains (up to Belgrade, back to Nis, back up to Belgrade and then to Nis again) we finally got on the right train going to Istanbul. Somewhere in Bulgaria the conductor got hold of our passports and wouldn’t give them back, as we were in first class compartments while holding second class tickets and wouldn’t give him the extra money. We ignored his threats; calming screaming about our embassies and just before reaching Istanbul he gave them back.

Istanbul was the start of a new way of life for me – it’ll be difficult to explain. In Istanbul it was the old Gulhome Hotel, sleeping in a tent (very cold but no bugs) on the roof and the drug/hashish scene.

It was a traveling society complete with rules and an international membership, and this year’s destination is India and all points east. The hard core drug scene didn’t appeal to me but I accepted it. Aside from that this life fills my empty one – it’s my niche.

From Istanbul (which was freezing) Marlene and I went to the Mediterranean coast of Turkey – still looking for the sun. We found it in a place called Alayna, Turkey. Beautiful and warm. We went swimming in December.

We had our own crowd in Alayna – I still have doubts about them. There was also another European there – Mark, from England who was preparing to take a kilo of hash back to England.

Our crowd met in a tea house all day long – nobody worked because it was Ramadan – a month long religious holiday. We (Marlene and I) lived at Naim’s house – he was the owner of the tea house. For about a week and a half everything was fine except when the cops stole our clothes (while we were swimming.)…supposedly so we’d come to the station and they could arrest us – white slave traffic anyone?

Then things started falling apart – Naim fell madly in love with Marlene and wanted to marry her. Things got so bad we moved out of the house. A couple of days later Marlene went back to the house with Mark – I don’t know why – she was weird that way.

On Christmas day our ranks swelled with the arrival of a German boy and two Swiss boys. We all decided celebrate Christmas with a cookout – fish, oranges and bread. Mark and Marlene decided to leave for Israel the next morning. Our split was very subtle.

Naim didn’t want her to go and followed us with three taxi loads of his friends (we were in a van with the Swiss boys). It was something out of Bonnie and Clyde or the Keystone Cops. All night we’d pull off the road and kill the motor until they’d pass by and then look for a place to hide. We finally gave up and headed for Syria.

At Gazipasa we split up and immediately everybody said “what’ll we do about Tina” because everybody had plans but me. Marlene had fixed it so that it was impossible for me to stay in Alayna. Mark and Marlene were going to Israel (via Syria – not possible – I got a letter from her postmarked Pakistan – she’s changed and is pregnant. Rene (the German boy) was walking to India and the two Swiss boys were going back to Istanbul.

They offered to take me along but I was furious at the way things turned out so all morning I walked with the shepherds in the general direction of Istanbul. The Swiss boys caught up with me. I stopped being noble and for ten truly wonderful days we leisurely made our way up the coast to Istanbul – really genuine friends they were.

And so was Marlene, although it took me a long long time to realize it. She helped me break into a way of life – she was my key – and then she left me – but that’s the only way. You have to do it on your own, Dennis. It’s the only way you can be sure of seeing with your own mind.

Istanbul and the Gulhome hotel again. It is fantastic but also very depressing. After two weeks in Istanbul, I flew to Israel. I had planned to go to Afghanistan (still do) but it was too cold and I only had sandals which were rotting from the snow and rain. That was in mid-January – the day it snowed in Jerusalem for the first time in 18 years.  Talk about luck and evil omens.

I went to a kibbutz, near Gaza, for a month and a half. My plan was to get healthy and wait until winter was over to start for Afghanistan. But by this time I only had $20.00 dollars left so I went to Eliat to work. Eilat is one of those stopping places on the way – the Hippie center of Israel.

And there I fell in love with Bernie – not for real or permanent but just as nice. I still love him in a funny way. I was in Eilat for about four months off and on – mostly on. I spent a lot of time in Jerusalem especially the old city. My best friend was Helene from Philadelphia. I didn’t work – was too stoned most of the time but I made some lasting friendships.

I tried to leave Israel three times-made it the third time-all the while thinking I hated the place. Now I know better – may settle there sometime.

In August I sailed to Athens and on the boat my asthma hit me. I was in a Greek hospital for seven days – very painful and I was quite sick.

I hadn’t planned on coming home but my conscience got the best of me. I guess I told you my mother was an alcoholic for many years. After my father died in 1965 I had her committed and she pulled out OK. She’s drinking again – beer and constantly, but still things are better, and I’m (I hope) more capable of handling things.

I am in school, working at my old job in cancer research and have an apartment with my best friend, Kathy who cordially invites you to come and stay with us as do I, of course.

I don’t want a degree from this school so I’m taking  courses I enjoy and that I can do something with. Printmaking, figure drawing, three-dimensional design (which leads to sculpture and metalwork next semester) art history and Arabic-which I dearly love.

School is so unreal literally – it is no longer part of my life. But I can’t continue traveling until my sister graduates from high school and is no longer tied to home. I want to give her an out – it is not nice to my mother but I can’t live her life for her nor can my sister.

So come June I hope to be off again. I’ll write again and fill in the gaps. You do the same.

Love,

Tina

Next time:

(She didn’t write again until the following summer and by then her life had taken even more twists and turns.)