Aging Gracefully

So, in the middle of our dinner conversation, my friend suddenly blurted out: “I don’t want to live past my mid-eighties. No one is really alive in their nineties; just relics of their old selves.” Now, that was an earful over the dinner salad.

To be clear, my friend has been taking care of two elderly friends and doing a wonderful job of being there for them. His stress level is probably elevated a lot of the time and thus came his observation that (as I’ve heard more often than not) ‘old age is a bitch and then you die.’

While I share my friend’s deeply felt concerns about creeping old age eventually sneaking up on all of us, it does seem to me that it is possible to age gracefully. Granted, to do so takes work; a lot of work and should start early in life (which it very seldom does!)

Case in point, I have skin cancer on my face. It isn’t serious right now but I have to get my spots burnt off every six months. Years earlier, when I asked my doctor what precautions I could take now, he smiled and answered: ‘Just the usual like using sun screen, wearing a hat outside and being aware of how much time you spend in the sun. Your condition, he told me, began years ago when you were very young and never protected your skin from the harmful rays of the sun. What’s done is done and can’t be repaired. All I can do is protect my skin as it is right now.

On the flipside, I began running and biking seriously at around age twenty-one and never stopped until well into my sixties. It had nothing to do with health and wellness. Rather it was a habit I picked up almost on a lark. I decided that I would try to run around Lake Nokomis in Minneapolis non-stop.

It was a two-mile route around the lake. Once completed I knew I was a super hero; almost. Then, feeling almost invincible, I tried again the following Saturday, only running that route twice without stopping. Four miles had to have been some kind of world record I convinced myself. From there on, I was hooked. Biking crept in on weekends when I took time off from running.

I still go to the gym five days a week and ride my e-bike as often as I can. The bike’s gear ratio is set just enough to give me a good workout but still able to power up long hills without blowing out a lung or my back. Exercise, like my current obsession with writing, is one addiction I still cling to each day.

A recent medical journal said: ‘Experts in the realm of science, medicine, and health have concluded from study after study that our personal behaviors and decisions greatly affect how well we age.’

It went on to say: ‘People constantly talk about lifespan. What we need to be concerned about is our health span: the number of years we avoid chronic conditions, debilitating disease, and limitations on our mobility.’

Mario Martinez, author of ‘The Mind-body Code,’ declares that getting older is inevitable but aging is optional. The spirit behind the psychologist’s catchy quote bears consideration. The ways we treat our minds and bodies impacts how we look and feel. But how far do we want to go to live forever?

I would flip that question around and ask: how can I do what I want to do and not suffer the consequences? Case in point: I know myself well enough to know that I’m not going to stop drinking coffee. But, at a max of only two cups in the morning, I think I can risk that addiction. On the other hand, soft drinks were always a treat for me until I discovered bubbly water. Now, I mix a quarter cup of lemonade (often from our own lemon tree) with one can of bubbly and it’s a tasty substitute to Coke.

I still have all of my original body parts and want to keep it that way. So, when I hike mountain trails or stumble through a mini-trail run, I always wear my knee braces. I also walk with walking sticks for balance and to ease the pressure on my knees and ankles going downhill.

While I cringe at the word diet, moderation is a more acceptable vernacular thought for me. I’ve never smoked anything or tasted hard liquor for almost sixty-five years. None of those actions were taken in the quest for eternal life or a glimpse of Valhalla in my lifetime. They simply exemplify a lifestyle that I’ve grown very accustomed to and comfortable with.

So, from my perspective, it’s always been about balance. I want to do what I want to do. Now, the question is, can I do it and remain mentally and physically healthy? If so, I’m golden or at least so until a little tarnish appears and I must behave myself again.

It’s been one heck of a ride thus far and I’d like to travel along with many more miles to go.

Real Secret of Success

What is the most honest and realistic definition of success? Don’t go to the library for the answer. Yes, it may be hidden there but impossible to find amid the volumes of good, great, crappy advice wedged between the paragraphs of wisdom. Each portends or pretends to have the secret formula, the ‘just right’ ingredients to find Valhalla while still here on earth. But you have to look among the granules to find the real golden nuggets hidden there.

Back in the early 80’s, when my business, Sharden Productions, was doing very well, I was constantly being hustled by the ‘Get Rich Quick’ folks with their audio tape series. Rock and rollers began packaging their songs in tape collections. Soon the shape shifters of success were quick to follow. It was hours and hours of sage advice for the true believers. Most two-hundred-dollar packages promised hours of enlightenment and the true path to success.

As a businessman producing video tape series myself, I lived on the fringes of that world as part of my day-to-day hustling. Not surprisingly, those purveyors of feel-good cheerleading either saw me as a potential client or a distributor. Either way, I was packaged as someone they could hustle. The length and breadth of their material was staggering. It was a period of the truly enlightened marketing mavens like Amway, Shaklee, Zig Ziglar, Brian Tracy and other multi-level marketing gurus reshaping, resizing, and remodeling the truth about success. There was always enough reality to what they were preaching in their gospel of success to attracted large numbers of followers.

Now with the passage of time, one can find a discernable pattern among the relics and ruins of that period. Truisms were lost or overshadowed among the glitter and gloss and breath-taking happiness promised to all true believers. Yet, there are true signs of success and they have nothing to do with financial accumulation, status symbols, material possessions and ‘I have arrived’ monikers to hang one’s street address on.

I used to think that health was a given and that only in old age would one have to worry about getting ‘old.’ Fact is, I know a lot of folks younger than me who are a hell of a lot older. Age and health aren’t mutually exclusive.

Social capitol is another asset seldom talked about but priceless. When the need arises, we all need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on. Fulfillment of that desire deep within one’s heart is complete, sans anyone having to know about it. Being there for someone else is priceless…period.

At its core, just being able to do what you want to do, when you’d like to do it, is its own greatest reward. If I wrote just for that royalty check or my name on the marquee, I’d be a very empty person. I write because I have to write. A friend once told me she taught to feed her stomach but she acted to feed her soul. Got it! I do understand.

If I were foolish enough to give advice to some youngster, I’d tell them there are some very simple, easy to understand truisms about how to be successful.

1.     Work hard (you have to do more than just your typical 9-5 job alone, no matter the occupation,) Doing just enough to get by doesn’t cut it.

2.     Be thrifty-smart and not stupid-cheap.

3.     Have a budget.

4.     Stick to your budget.

5.     Save some money early on and invest it.

6.     Be realistic but have high expectations of yourself. Ignore anyone who says otherwise.

7.     Never give up, no matter what. The alternative is not an option.

Guilded Age Revisited

Over the years, I’ve written several blogs about the loss of and challenge to attain the ‘American Dream.’ Flipboard recently came out with an article from Politico entitled: ‘The Gilded Age is Back – and that should worry conservatives.’ I would add a subtitle: ‘And Suffragettes would be aghast…again.’

The gist of the article is that today’s administration in Washington bears striking resemblance to that of the Gilded Age of the late 19^th century when business and industry dominated American life as never before or since. It’s relevance to today’s social and political climate is striking in so many ways.

The debate between a conservative slant on life in America and a more liberal posture would take up volumes and still wouldn’t find an answer. It’s a deep fundamental divide that only the bravest among us is willing to venture over in hopes of finding a comprise there. It’s a deeply insightful and fascinating article to read if you want to get a handle on what the hell is happening in Washington today.

There was one paragraph in that excellent article that struck me as particularly disturbing. It brought to mind a conversation I had with a girl; name and face long since forgotten. We were in our teens and talking about dating. She explained to me that women (young girls like herself) wanted the man (I assume she was talking about me) to decide what to do and where to go on a date. I argued, in turn, that it should be a joint-decision or at least a choice made with the woman’s input included. NO, she was adamant, that was the role of the man.

One of the golden cufflinks of the Gilded Age was the subordination of women to their male counterparts. Reflecting back on that soda fountain salon, I found again the concept of women as second-class citizens frightening and absurd. Yet, here we are, seemingly going in that direction once again.

Now granted, after many miles traveled down this worn road called life, I can understand the mood, morals, and mindset of the times of my youth. It was the late Fifties and early Sixties. The Greatest Generation knew how their kids should act when socializing. It was understood that the ‘man’ was the head of the family, main provider, and overall task master. Surely, there was no question then who would decide where and what to do on a date.

I thought this whole concept of the man being the pride of the pack was misguided, foolish and just plain stupid. Fortunately, I was able to find and date women who had that willpower, know power and self-confidence to see themselves as equal and didn’t treat me as a eunuch in the process. All of which goes back that enlightening (frightening) paragraph in the article.

Quoting from the article: “The modern conservative movement’s fascination with hypermasculinity reflects a similar response to shifting gender norms, economic instability and perceived cultural decline. Vice President JD Vance’s musing about ‘childless cat ladies’ – he seems to share Musk’s obsession with natalism – are of a kind with Josh Hawley’s book, ‘Manhood: The Masculine Virtues America Needs’, and even Tucker Carlson’s concerns about declining sperm counts. The intense interest in masculinity even shaped the presidential election: To many young men who heard him on his tour of the pro-podcast circuit, Trump himself represents a restoration of masculine authority.”

While perusing a box of books a friend gave me, I came across several pamphlets from Hillsdale College. OMG, what an insightful look into the philosophy of today’s current conservative thoughts and trends. It was like breaking the enigma code and being able to better understand the thinking behind so many of Washington’s current actions, steps, missteps, and ‘what the hell are they thinking?’ way of doing things.

While some of my friends will disagree with me, including my very astute wife, this tells me why so many folks chose to either not vote or to vote with their testosterone or lack thereof. It also goes back to my fascination with men who are afraid of women. The article seems to include in that threatening group: gays, lesbians, trans, minorities, immigrants, intellectuals, and anyone else who doesn’t fit their pre-conceived white notion of what makes for a ‘real man.’

Setting Marvel comic book characters aside, most folks I know don’t see caring and concern, humility, and humanity as signs of weakness. Many of our so-called leaders today would be wise to recognize that the size of one’s tire treads and other kahunas are not the sign of a real man.

But, hey, I’m just a writer. I see what I see and I write about it. That sometimes puts me in a category all of its own. Truth can be harsh sometimes but then you see the light.