Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Authentic Self




If we can get past our ego’s definition of who we are it can be an enlightening experience. Visiting our authentic self for the first time is like meeting a perfect stranger that you’ve known all of your life.

But to get there you have to push beyond those influences that up until now have defined who you think you are. Past life experiences, relationships, loves, losses and a wide assortment of pivotal life-altering events that have all conspired to shape a personal vision of yourself in your head. 

You’ve spent a lifetime painting your skin like a canvas of who you think you are. It’s a personal journey of ego, attitude, needs, desires, fears and wants. But in your quest for satisfaction in life you’ve inadvertently let outside influences shape and define your true self.

St. Louis Grade School
There’s been collateral damage suffered and you didn’t even know it. It came from those youthful messages imparted on you by parents, teachers, lovers and friends. Everyone who thought they knew who you were, what you were and what you should become in life. It was everyone who made promises that couldn’t be kept. Everyone who envisioned your future fulfilled but didn’t have their own stuff together yet. Anyone and everyone who slipped into your life, touched you if just for a moment in time then disappeared into that vast emptiness called past relationships. It was a self-image you’ve dragged along through life until something or someone challenged it.


That something for me was a new focus on writing after a lifetime of working in fields I loved. It was finding even more fulfillment in writing than I had in running marathons, long distance bike rides, walking in the rain, getting lost in a forest, running trails until I wanted to drop, climbing a mountain and gasping for air until I thought I was going to pass out. Those were/are satisfying experiences but none compared to holding that first published book in my hands and saying ‘damn, I did it.’

Part of that organic process of writing was a new demand for more self-examination and thoughtful-processing of past lives I’ve lived, my present environment and level of personal satisfaction.


It demanded a closer examination of past relationships and my reaction to life events. It forced me out of old reflections, memories and explanations and gradually wiped away the dust and dirt of past assumptions to revealed a truer self. My research and writing took me on a journey I am only now beginning to better understand and appreciate. It is all about answering the question of who I was back then and how it made me who I am today.


Helping me along the way is a daily detour I take to check-in inside my head. This practice is a monastic exercise but one with benefits. It’s finally coming face to face with the true me. Mind you I can’t say I know me that well even though it’s been over seventy-two years of living in this skin.

The latest catch-phrase is mindfulness even though it’s been around for many years. It’s an exercise that seems pretty simple on the surface but can be very powerful on one’s psyche.*


1.      Begin with a comfortable seated position. Take five or more deep inhalations and exhalations.

2.      Make yourself aware of your breathing, allowing your breath to be as natural and relaxed as possible.

3.      Using the mantra ‘I am’ continue your breathing in a slow and rhythmic fashion. Make it organic, natural, comfortable and effortless. Focus on ‘being one with yourself’ and not the ‘doing’ of the exercise.

4.      As your mind quiets, begin to drop in the question, “Who am I?” If words or emotions arise, allow them to be there. You are not looking for an answer but rather an awareness of self.

5.      This opening into awareness may last only seconds but with repeated sessions it will begin to reveal itself more and more.


*Parts of this exercise were taken from an article entitled ‘Check Your Head’ by Sally Kempton in Yoga Magazine.

It’s a journey I intend to follow for the rest of my life. A trek backwards that might help propel me forward with clarity and vision of who I really am.

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

I Have Seen the Elephant, I Have Heard the Owl


The saying:  ‘I have seen the elephant, I have heard the owl’ is an American colloquial phrase that refers to gaining experience of the world at a significant cost. It was a popular expression in the mid-to-late 19th century throughout the United States beginning with the Mexican-American war and beyond.

Pioneers would speak about ‘seeing the elephant’ in their journeys west. James Michener in his novel ‘Centennial’ made it a key point in the life of one of his characters. For that young adventurer it was an experience that left him shaken to the core and uncertain about his future.

Over the years, the phrase has become immersed in western novels, war stories and more poignant storytelling such as Margaret Craven’s wonderful novel ‘I Heard the Owl Call My Name.’ It’s been referenced in many bible stories highlighting those watershed moments and end of life experiences some biblical characters have faced.




It’s been argued that you don’t really know who you are until faced with a catastrophe or a near-death experience. Some will say that our best life experiences come through affliction and challenges we never expected to encounter. It might be an athletic event that stretches your abilities to their absolute maximum. It could be a personal struggle with health issues, personal or social relationships or any number of personal challenges.

Now to take that argument one step further I might also suggest that for many people the act of planting ones feet on a stage could be akin to ‘seeing the elephant.’ Yet there are a number of octogenarians and their younger compatriots who have agreed to do just that in a new senior theater project in Rosemount, Minnesota.   

After two summers of trekking to an assisted living facility / nursing home in Wabasha I’ve seen firsthand how many of the elderly have chosen to live out the rest of their lives. Some are able to embrace or at least accept their final surroundings while others just sit in their rooms pining for the ‘good old days.’

So it was encouraging to see that there is another group of elders who are readily embracing change and challenges and new adventures in their lives. It’s not only refreshing it’s darn right encouraging. There is hope for aging baby boomers everywhere.


The RAAC senior theater project could be a potential proving ground for some of my theatrical production ideas. The RAAC was started in 2007 by four area residents who had been serving as advisors to the city about possible future use for a church that was closing in town. Their final recommendation was that the church be rededicated as a community arts center.

As the group was making its final recommendations they decided that the arts in Rosemount were about more than just a building in town. They felt there was need for an arts council that could spearhead activities and programming to bring the arts, all kinds of arts, to the people.
Now they have a new project called the Senior Theater.

Creating plays has always been part of my writing arsenal. The Coachella Valley in California has a plethora of theaters and theatrical groups I’d love to approach with some of my works. Now I hope to have even more opportunities for play-writing closer to my Minnesota roots.

Rosemount Area Arts Council Senior Theater Group


This latest project of RAAC’s follows on the heels of a growing trend in this country of theater groups for seniors. It’s a trend that continues to grow by leaps and bounds. In 1977, there were 79 such groups, now there are more than 800 spread out across the country.

Part of the inspiration for this trend came from the work of the late psychiatrist Dr. Gene Cohen who headed centers on aging at the National Institute of Mental Health and at George Washington University. Dr. Cohen’s research concluded that involvement in the arts provides seniors numerous benefits for mind and body.

'Barefoot' - Photo Credit - Keith Reed

'Barefoot' - Photo Credit - Keith Reed

Stuart Kandell who founded Stagebridge in Oakland, California in 1978, the oldest senior theater company in the U.S., has stated: “We all have a need for challenges. We have a need to keep learning. We have a need to feel like we’re giving back to other generations. We have a need for a social environment. Theater does all of that and more.” Then he adds: “The social element is huge, gigantic. The (theatrical) company for many people is an extended family.”

I could see and feel that very sentiment at our first meeting to introduce the public to the RAAC senior theater project. The room was filled with people who seemed energetic, enthused and ready to get involved. None seemed to be worried about their age or tired body parts. For some it was a second chance to do something they’ve always wanted to do in the theater. For others it’s a chance to keep going. For a few it’s just being a kid again. I’ve never wanted to grow up and start acting my age anyway. Why start now? Riding Shotgun with Peter Pan expresses my sentiments exactly on that matter.

At the first meeting there was the obligatory grumpy old man who was hard of hearing and had to be rude in pointing that out. There are always a few folks who are prisoners of their past and still afraid of their future. They’re caught in a limbo of contradictions, paralyzed by fear of trying something new and yet tortured by the realization that their time is running out. Fortunately he was the only one among the group. Those other attendees seemed to be more than willing to embrace their future no matter how terrifying the theater might seem to them.



My first experience with Community Theater started back in Tennessee in 1972. I had left public television in Minnesota to spread my wings in the Deep South.

WTCI Television

Me at WTCI Television

It was a crazy time because I found myself labeled a damned Yankee in King Conservative’s Court. The southern attitudes and prejudices against the north were still very much alive when I arrived as the new production manager at a public television station in Chattanooga, Tennessee.


I loved the city itself, the people, the surrounding area, new friends we met and our weekend jaunts around the south. My work experience should have held me in respect among my peers. Unfortunately it was my northern linage that did me in. The stations production crew was as prejudiced and unwelcoming to northerners as anything I’d ever experienced.

Playbills


Fortunately the Chattanooga Little Theater became my refuge. It was a welcoming respite from the bigotry and ignorance I experienced at work. I crewed on the first play of the season and then acted in three more. Around the end of our fourth play I had been offered a new job in Maryland and my brief, ever exciting career as a thespian came to a sudden halt. But not without some interesting observations.

'How the Other Half Lives'

Cast of 'Catch 22'

I observed there’s a latent thespian in many of us. But some take it far more seriously than others. I was of the latter party. It was a challenge. I was and still am an introvert so the bright lights, grease paint and applause did little to sooth my nervousness and fright on stage.

I think a lot of those actors found their true selves on stage. Much like politicians whose only claim to fame is their small town title, these folks truly embraced their new pretend persona. It made them feel accomplished and whole and fulfilled. I never reached that level of self-satisfaction. I was always more interested in the story-telling aspect of the theater and not the acting part of it.

In this new incarnation as a playwright, I hope to be working with the RAAC Artistic Directors, programming chair and Senior Theater Development Chair. I hope it will be a collaborative effort in which we can create a wonderful experience for those seniors and a fun time for all who attend their first performance early next year.

Some of those seniors may ‘see the elephant’ while others might ‘hear the owl.’ But either way, vision or not, it will be a great experience for all of them. Not for the racing hearts or sweaty palms and memory-challenges but simply because when called upon they answered the call. They took a chance and risked the fear and trepidation for a chance to do something challenging, something exhilarating, something that many of their colleagues could only hope to accomplish. Not a bad legacy in one’s twilight years.

My Tabernacle


For me it’ll be just another jump-start to add to my work load back in Palm Springs and hopefully land a production there as well. Either way, produced or not, writing plays continues to be fodder for my over-active imagination and a wonderful excuse to keep body and mind active and moving.


And always on the lookout for the elephant and the owl.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

B & C's Excellent Adventure





Experiencing life through the eyes of a four and six-year-old can be exhausting. Not to mention the ever present sleep deprivation, a couple of rare meltdowns, normal I want’s and a wide assortment of ‘Nana this’ and ‘Papa that.’  It was Brennan and Charlotte’s excellent adventure and they had been looking forward to it all summer.

Copenhagen Harbor


My daughter Melanie and her husband Scott were off to Europe for two weeks. Forty years after living there myself, Melanie and Scott were to land in Copenhagen and then drop down to Portugal for wining and dining and cruising the coast in search of the perfect beach as per Conde Nast.

We got the kids in their absence.

Now to be honest, my wife and I weren’t total novices in this modern-day version of parenting boot camp. We’ve had the kids over for enough sleep-overs and weekends to know what to expect from the little munchkins. Besides, we had done a ten-day stretch in Colorado a couple of years earlier. That was a wonderful experience with those three grandchildren so we had no reason to believe this adventure would be any different.

But caring for grandchildren should always come with a warning label. It’s like being in the middle of a marathon. You can’t quit and you can’t turn back. All you can do is forge ahead, ignoring the pain and exhaustion and know that at the end it will be an exhilarating experience for everyone involved.

With the right mindset intact, it’s all about seeing the world through the eyes of children instead of through your own sometimes jaded glasses. Two weeks of taking care of someone else besides just yourself. Two weeks of thinking about the care and happiness of others instead of just you. 

Little kids are like sponges soaking up all of the rich life experiences around them. No TV watching or video games as per Mom. So Nana and Papa became foot soldiers in search for daily adventures wherever we might find them. But that quest is seldom easy.

There goes my office for two weeks...

For me it meant two weeks of putting my own life on hold. No writing, no exercise - except of course chasing after them.  No long distance bike rides, except flying in circles in the cul de sac and around cones for our obstacle course. No reading until after their bedtime if I wasn’t too exhausted by then. No quiet time in the morning unless I could sneak out of bed before they did..not likely.



Enough hardware to last an afternoon

Starbucks Restaurant - Now Open!

Afternoon Class



It was more running, jumping, climbing, golfing, swimming, game-playing and high-flying than I’ve done in a very long time. It became in every sense of the word a mental as well as a physical challenge. Sleep deprivation is a real and serious threat to new parents and oldsters alike. Even an oldster’s familiar refrain of “I’m too old for this s___ (stuff.) doesn’t cut it with these kids. Frankly they don’t care. For them any lap is an invitation to play or read a book or tell a story or cuddle or wrestle with their favorite stuffed animals.

Of course, Nana the teacher was in her full glory. I swear we had a basement warehouse full of games, books and toys in anticipation of the urchin’s visit. Amazon Fulfillment had nothing on us. Not to mention sight word games, grammar games and AP (advance placement) quizzes for preschool and first grade.



Indoor Park




Indoor Soccer

Railroad on the Porch


One time it rained all day and we found an indoor playground to visit. Watching the kids at play I realized it was all about learning problem solving, critical thinking, sharing, getting along with pushy siblings, being creative, diplomacy, rationing and political maneuvering. We also set up a soccer field on the porch as well as a railroad yard.



Visiting Great Grandma





Every road trip was a game. I could never convince them that cows sing so we had to slow down each time we saw a pasture on the way to Great-Grandma’s nursing home. We never did hear those cows udder a word. B and C also never believed me when I told them that dancing horses only come from Spain. On the way down we listened to a menagerie of sound: The Monkees, Beatles, Turtles, Eagles and ‘In-a-gadda-davida’ as homage to my novel “Love in the A Shau.”

It all came down to enjoying their enjoyment, relishing their excitement and trying to grab on to their youthful exuberance for life without the complications of adulthood.

Papa the Hair Stylist

Learning to snorkel in less than five minutes

Garage sale swordsmith & princess

Minnesota Science Museum

Splash Pad

Splash Pad Playground

Releasing a butterfly with Aunt Marla

Bumper Cars

Pinball Wizards

Nana's Birthday Pudding

Evening Reading Session
Yet in the end if Brennan and Charlotte remember anything about their great adventure with Nana and Papa it’ll probably be some insignificant innocuous event that neither one of us recognized as important. Little kids are like that. They’ll remember the most obscure experience and it becomes a defining moment of their young lives.

What the Colorado kids learned the year before is that there are always assumptions and expectations from Nana and Papa. And it goes beyond the fact that we will always be there for them. No doubt, we spoiled and pampered them. But we also wouldn’t allow them to cut corners.


Hanging with the Prairie Dogs

B and C picked up very quickly on those assumptions and expectations. It’s an expectation of hard work and practice, education and a love of books, of not giving up and always trying.

The assumptions are unspoken, unwritten and not talked about that often. Their Mom and Uncle B got it and they did too. Its family…our family…and it will last our lifetime…and if we’ve done anything right then Brennan and Charlotte will pass it on to their own children in time.

Could Nana and Papa ask for anything more?

I think not.









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