I’ve never hesitated to admit
that I married up. Does that mean she married down?
Having been around the block
more than a couple of times, I’ve come to several inalienable truths. One is
that Sharon married me, I didn’t marry her. Two, I had no idea what I was
getting into…. or that it was going to be that good.
I’ve often thought that one of the great mysteries of life is how and
why people get married and stay together. What secret combination or chemical ingrediencies
were present that cemented their relationship for so long. It isn’t something
that’s commonly talked about. I’m guessing a lot of couples haven’t really
given it a lot of thought themselves.
I’m a writer and I find the social dynamics of relationships fascinating as heck. More than a once, some friend in my C & C circle, has made the comment (always casually) that they had married up. It’s stated as an observation that over the course of their marriage, they’ve come to realize that they won the lottery and didn’t know it at the time.
For me, it wasn’t love at first sight or curling toes or shortness of
breath that signaled a life-altering change on the horizon. It was simply a
comfort level, a sense of safety and vulnerability at the same time that said
she was the one. At a certain point, we both knew it and Sharon, being Sharon,
acted on it before old stumble bumble did.
Adding to the complexity of our relationship, was the question (never
addressed) of opposites attracting. If there was ever a sterling example of this
phenomena, it was Sharon and I. She is an ENFJ, to the extreme and I’m an ISTJ,
off the charts. Simply stated, Sharon is an extrovert who loves people,
company, group interactions, etc. I am happiest by myself and/or in a quiet
environment. ‘Quiet time’ is precious to me. Then there’s the equation of the
‘alpha female’ phenomena.
At some point in my writing journey, I came across the phrase alpha
female and was sucker-punched by its definition. It fit Sharon to a T as did
her Myers-Briggs personality category of ENFJ. An ENFJ is described as the
protagonist; charismatic and inspiring, able to mesmerize their listeners. On
the other hand, as an ISTJ, I’m described as the logistician, practical and
fact-minded, whose reliability cannot be doubted. More thorough descriptions of
these two personality traits solidify the fact that they define Sharon and
myself perfectly. Whether or not, that’s good or bad, can be someone’s
judgement call. I would simply say: “Yeah, that’s us!”
The divergent interests we have are remarkable. We have very different tastes
in music, reading material, the movies, etc. She loves to talk politics; it makes
me gag. She is generous to a fault, me, not so much! Fortunately, what we do
have in common are all the basics; a passion for education for ourselves, our children,
and grandchildren. A common-sense approach to money management, lifestyle, and
distain for status symbols. We don’t care much for material possessions or any
accoutrements of wealth or status or prestige. What you see is what there is;
simple as that.
Interestingly enough, one of the most common misunderstandings about an
alpha female is that they would never marry someone their equal. Actually, the
opposite is true. An alpha female has too much pride and self-assuredness to
marry someone less than herself. With their high emotional intelligence,
natural tendency to take on leadership roles, unflinching faith in their
purpose and beliefs, an alpha female knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to
go after it. Their insight often leaves the rest of us ‘who knew’ souls far
behind.
Thus, an alpha female would never marry down because it wouldn’t fit
her personality. She must see her mate as her equal in the greater scheme of
life’s order.
Lucky me.
