If I Married Up, Did She Marry Down?

I’ve never hesitated to admit that I married up. Does that mean she married down?

Having been around the block more than a couple of times, I’ve come to several inalienable truths. One is that Sharon married me, I didn’t marry her. Two, I had no idea what I was getting into…. or that it was going to be that good.

I’ve often thought that one of the great mysteries of life is how and why people get married and stay together. What secret combination or chemical ingrediencies were present that cemented their relationship for so long. It isn’t something that’s commonly talked about. I’m guessing a lot of couples haven’t really given it a lot of thought themselves.

I’m a writer and I find the social dynamics of relationships fascinating as heck. More than a once, some friend in my C & C circle, has made the comment (always casually) that they had married up. It’s stated as an observation that over the course of their marriage, they’ve come to realize that they won the lottery and didn’t know it at the time.

For me, it wasn’t love at first sight or curling toes or shortness of breath that signaled a life-altering change on the horizon. It was simply a comfort level, a sense of safety and vulnerability at the same time that said she was the one. At a certain point, we both knew it and Sharon, being Sharon, acted on it before old stumble bumble did.

Adding to the complexity of our relationship, was the question (never addressed) of opposites attracting. If there was ever a sterling example of this phenomena, it was Sharon and I. She is an ENFJ, to the extreme and I’m an ISTJ, off the charts. Simply stated, Sharon is an extrovert who loves people, company, group interactions, etc. I am happiest by myself and/or in a quiet environment. ‘Quiet time’ is precious to me. Then there’s the equation of the ‘alpha female’ phenomena.

At some point in my writing journey, I came across the phrase alpha female and was sucker-punched by its definition. It fit Sharon to a T as did her Myers-Briggs personality category of ENFJ. An ENFJ is described as the protagonist; charismatic and inspiring, able to mesmerize their listeners. On the other hand, as an ISTJ, I’m described as the logistician, practical and fact-minded, whose reliability cannot be doubted. More thorough descriptions of these two personality traits solidify the fact that they define Sharon and myself perfectly. Whether or not, that’s good or bad, can be someone’s judgement call. I would simply say: “Yeah, that’s us!”

The divergent interests we have are remarkable. We have very different tastes in music, reading material, the movies, etc. She loves to talk politics; it makes me gag. She is generous to a fault, me, not so much! Fortunately, what we do have in common are all the basics; a passion for education for ourselves, our children, and grandchildren. A common-sense approach to money management, lifestyle, and distain for status symbols. We don’t care much for material possessions or any accoutrements of wealth or status or prestige. What you see is what there is; simple as that.

Interestingly enough, one of the most common misunderstandings about an alpha female is that they would never marry someone their equal. Actually, the opposite is true. An alpha female has too much pride and self-assuredness to marry someone less than herself. With their high emotional intelligence, natural tendency to take on leadership roles, unflinching faith in their purpose and beliefs, an alpha female knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to go after it. Their insight often leaves the rest of us ‘who knew’ souls far behind.

Thus, an alpha female would never marry down because it wouldn’t fit her personality. She must see her mate as her equal in the greater scheme of life’s order.

Lucky me.