It’s
been one of those mysteries in my life that remained unspoken and never talked
about. A vacuum in my memory bank that’s never been filled-in. Granted, I was
too young to understand all of its ramifications but I still feel cheated even
today. Yet to be honest I’m not sure how
I would have reacted if I had understood what it meant not to have a father in
my life growing up.
There
were no pictures or other mementos of him ‘ever’ in our house. It was as if he
never existed in the first place. By the time I had finally matured and became
curious about my lineage those memories of her distant past had become a fog
clouding my mother’s mind. About the only thing I could be sure of was that I
once had a father and he died at a (relatively) young age. End of story.
Or
so I thought.
Curiosity
raised its finicky head about the same time I posted a blog entitled ‘Something for Judy’ on my Facebook page. In perusing an old box of photographs of
my brief encampment on Smith Avenue with my first play date named Judy, I came
across some photos of my father and myself. Of course, I’d seen those photos
before but back then my eyes were vacant and mind-closed. This time around I
looked at those glimpses of my past with a much different minds-eye.
There
are clues in those pictures…in the clothes, mannerisms, posture, location and a
hundred other nuances that spoke volumes about the man that gave me life. By
reading into them with the inquisitiveness of a writer and a curiosity of past
traits passed down to me, there are answers (unconfirmed, of course) in what
those pictures were saying.
So
without being maudlin or clinically antiseptic, I began to study the clues some
unknown photographer presented to me. There were stories in those images that
said so much and yet revealed so little. I did my surgical inspection without
the benefit of any oral history pasted down from my mother. And I was cognizant
of her refusal to recognize that part of her past life. If there was any
prejudice, hard feelings or hidden shame in their relationship it had slipped
away with her last breath here on earth.
So
who was this man that was a part of my life for less than two years then was
gone forever? Who was this Arthur LaComb whose lineage could be traced back to
Quebec, Canada but little else beyond that?
For
one thing, he seemed to like to dress me as he dressed. Today he’d be called
fashion-wise, nattily attired or very smooth. Back then perhaps even labeled a
ladies’ man. That trait ended with him.
My
grandmother (on his side) was in our lives for a brief period of time but she
was certainly never a part of my life afterwards. My sister said she visited us
once then disappeared after her son died.
From
research on Ancestry.com, my wife discovered that my uncle (his brother) lived
in Los Angeles until he died in the mid-70s. Obviously, uncle never bothered to
ever get a hold of us when we were growing up.
My
father was in the service (the Navy I believe). Story goes that he hurt his
back and got discharged but I never got a clear answer what happened to him.
He
was a smoker and liked to hang out in bars. My mother commented on his drinking
only once or twice and left it at that. A cousin once said he was a pleasant
drinker and funny when he got drunk…as opposed to a mean drunk, I suppose.
Turns
out, I have a half-sister. I think her name was Beverly. I knew my father had
been married once before. This came up when I saw a picture of a young girl
with us way back when. Then my mother remarked once back in the eighties, “Oh
yes, you have a half-sister who lives in a trailer park in Florida. She came to
visit us once.’ I guess I was in the fourth or fifth grade at the time but I
don’t remember her visit. We never heard from her again. My mother never
explained why she also disappeared from our lives and I was too young to ask or
care.
The
story of my parents' breakup has been clouded by time and my mother’s selective
memory. As the story goes it was a Catholic priest who declared that their marriage
wasn’t valid because my father’s first marriage hadn’t been properly annulled in the eyes of the Catholic Church. The priest declared that therefore they
couldn’t live together...in sin. My mother, being a devout Catholic, complied.
She said there were no jobs for a short order cook after the war and thus my
father had to move away. That was in 1945.
When
I asked my mother if my father ever wrote or sent money to her over those years
that he was gone, she said no. That, in my book, was desertion. She didn’t say
it was. She just couldn’t argue it wasn’t.
The
story of his death is also a vapid cloud that kept changing tones and colors as
it was retold over the years. It seems in the winter of 1948 my father was
traveling back from the west coast to be with us for Christmas when he stopped
in Missoula, Montana.
He
had a massive heart attack in his hotel room and died there. Hell of a way to
die; alone and unknown. Supposedly his cash and other valuables were rifled
from his room before the front desk was notified. My Mom said he had Christmas presents
for us. My sister remembers getting a pretty doll. I’m told I got a gun and
holster set. My father was buried in Missoula, Montana in a pauper’s grave. My
sister took a train out to visit his gravesite once. I never have.
So
for all intents and purposes, my sister and I lived with our mother as three separate
individuals until I went into the service and my sister got married. It was
just the three of us under one roof and managing our lives the best we could.
At
a very early age my aunts made it clear to me that I was better off without my
father around. Even at six years old I got the picture. They didn’t like him
very much and they carried that animosity over to my sister and me. I could
never figure out why we were stigmatized for the sins of our father.
Growing
up, I was vaguely aware of other nuclear families that had a father and mother.
But we had our home on Randolph Avenue and that was our abode; minus all the
trappings of Ozzie and Harriett and the Cleavers. It never registered to me
what a real family might be like.
I’m
grateful for those old pictures of my dad and me. Not because they answer any
questions. They certainly don’t. And my mother’s refusal to talk about that
part of her past has left a huge hole in that part of my life. Despite that I
can’t complain.
I’ve
had a good life. I’m married to a wonderful woman, forty-five years and
counting. I’ve got great kids and wonderful grandchildren. It’s been ‘all
good.’ And for a very brief period of time back on Smith Avenue in old Saint
Paul it looks like we were a family… a family just like everyone else.
