My son asked me ‘the question’ about ten years ago and I had no definitive answer for him. Turns out, I’m no further ahead with the answer now than I was back then. As involved, invested and caring parents, both Brian and Melanie want their children to succeed. Hence, the question from Brian: “Dad, how do you teach someone ambition?” caught me off guard and churned up a lot of pondering on my part.
The good news is that I ‘ve had ten years to wrestle with that ‘question for the ages.’ Over that time, there have been a number of clues that do bring a little more clarity to the issue. Of course, I have my own theories. They’re pretty deeply entrenched ideas of how and why some folks become motivated and others spend most of their lives just floating along. So, where does motivation come from? Anyplace and everyplace is one simple answer that holds a lot of truth to it.
This whole concept of ambition and motivation is a bit of an obsession with me. I wasn’t cognizant of that fact until I got into writing on a full time basis. The theme of ‘being hungry’ has permeated a lot of my writing. The desire for more, for something else, something better has crept into several of my books; especially “Love in the A Shau” and “The Debris Trilogy.” Both novels feature hungry young men determined to make a success of themselves. It’s a theme I can personally relate to and a vision quest I don’t ever see ever ending.
Let’s face it. We’re only here on earth for a brief period of time. Why wouldn’t we want to make the very most out of every minute of our existence? Why wouldn’t we want to do something with our lives that was worthwhile, satisfying and hopefully of benefit to others? And more importantly, why wouldn’t we want the same for our own children and grandchildren?
Sports
is one area where a lot of kids, my grandkids included, learn about the basics
of life; what’s fair and not fair. How hard work can ‘sometimes’ pay off and
other times not help the final cause. But it does reaffirm the benefit of hard
work and the desire to succeed.
Over
the last ten years, each of my grandchildren have also found areas of interest
outside of the sporting arena. Each of these ancillary ventures was initiated
by the kids themselves. Whether it be band, NHS, Deca, Speech, Languages,
Theater, Music, etc. Fortunately, these extracurricular activities were
self-directed and discovered sans parents or grandparents prodding. The
universal lesson learned here was simple enough: Anything worth doing is going
to require some kind of sacrifice.
Nothing
comes easy…at least for most of us. When you’re born at the bottom then
anything above that looks pretty good. When you have nothing growing up then
you don’t long for those vapid pleasures that don’t amount to a hill of beans
in the overall scheme of living. Growing up with the basics gives one a real
appreciation for the simpler things of life.
That doesn’t mean you don’t want more. It simply means you appreciate the basic values of your own existence and can realistically grasp the intrinsic appeal of other things beyond your reach. There is value in being raised with a focus on the fundamentals of living and a scarcity of those extraneous distractions of wealth.
It’s
not always easy being born rich. The three generation theory has been around
for a long time. Among other monikers, it’s been called shirtsleeves to
shirtsleeves in three generations.
Based
on fact and some fiction, the theory simply asserts that most businesses don’t
survive beyond the third generation of owners. Grandpa starts the business. His
son takes over and continues for a time. But by the time a third generation is
ready to step up to the plate, the discipline and hunger for success have been
muted and gutted for all intents and purposes.
And it’s hardly unique to this country. In China, it’s called rice paddy to rice paddy. In Italy, it’s called cobbler to cobbler. In Ireland, it’s called clogs to clogs.
Being
born poor and hungry can be a strong motivator for the taste of success. But
what if your kids aren’t growing up poor like you were? What if they’ve had a
lot of advantages simply because that’s what their parents (your own kids) want
them to have? Do we deny them opportunities to travel, read a lot, go to a good
school or have other life experiences we could never dream of when we were
growing up? I think not.
Inherent
in my personality is a deep-seated prejudice about giving kids ‘everything’
simply because their parents can afford it. I think there are distinct disadvantages
of being raised a rich environment. And we all know who ‘they’ are. Back in
high school, they were all gathered around the ‘most popular’ table in the
cafeteria. Their descendants are still there today.
So,
where’s the balance between giving your kids or grandkids every opportunity you
can to enrich their lives and still raise them as responsible, respectable and
appreciative citizens of the world?
I
certainly don’t have all the answers as to how to motivate young people
nowadays especially my own grandchildren. The best advice I could probably give
my own kids is to lead by example. To reward their own children’s efforts and
not necessarily their success. And to remind their kids that practice makes for
opportunities.
I
didn’t become a writer in my later years because I wanted to…or had nothing
else to do. Writing is my favored/flavored addiction just as running was for
forty-seven of my more energetic years. What I try to explain to well-meaning
folks who ask ‘why do it?’ is that I have no choice. It isn’t something that I
can play with occasionally when the mood strikes. It is, at its deepest level, something
that I have to do.
The writer in me has to get involved in my character’s lives. I have to travel back out west occasionally and I have to muddle around the under-belly of Palm Springs when the time comes. I have to do what I do because I was born hungry and still am today. I hope to stay hungry for the rest of my life.
In
past blogs I’ve commented that I want my grandchildren to ‘be hungry.’ Thus
far, I think they’re developing a pretty healthy appetite for more. Hopefully,
at some point in their young lives, they’ll come to understand that old adage
as I did a long time ago. The harder they work, the luckier they might become.
