Late to the Dance

I turn 79 in a couple of weeks and for the first time in my life; I think I might be getting older.

It’s no big deal or a kind of denial in its most ardent form or some old guy pretending to be young again. It isn’t some middle-age crisis come late to my life…missed that one totally. And it isn’t my creeping soreness getting out of bed, the inability to run mountain trails long and hard or the challenges of even a slow mountain hike. To be honest, it’s just the realization that I’ve been around the block more than a couple of times and it’s been one heck of a journey…even if it’s been a few steps behind everyone else, most of the time.

As I’ve ruminated about in past blogs, I started out well behind the pack in grade school and didn’t pick up much steam in high school. My background and upbringing and nuclear family probably had a lot to do with it. But the fact is I was never near the head of the pack. It didn’t bother me that I was ‘stuck in the middle’ like a lot of my buddies.

There was a detour in the middle of college for two years of military service. Then an escape to Europe for a fantasy adventure that turn cold far too soon.

By the time I was stumbling through my first series of jobs, my high school classmates were all getting married, having kids and beginning their stellar climb up the corporate ladder.  I was literally a day late and a dollar short but still plowing ahead.

Then slowly I began to gain some traction on the rest of the pack. I found tremendous satisfaction working in television and video production and began my own business in that field in 1980. Real estate came shortly afterwards and only ended recently. Along the way came two kids, five grandkids, a fair amount of traveling and a much better perspective of world affairs.

Then at the ripe age of 65 when I didn’t see a future for me in retirement, I choose to become a writer instead. That gig has lasted almost fourteen years now and it’s been an unmitigated blast. It’s taken me to the jungles of Vietnam, the canyons of the old West, the dark backcountry of Big Sur, the façade that can be Palm Springs and hanging out with a skinny hippo.

Old age means I can read old Playboy magazines and not be embarrassed by it. I can listen to classical music (music from the 50s and 60s) and not have to explain why. I’ve earned the right to do what I damn well feel please; within reason, the law and my wife’s permission. And I can still tease my brain with ‘what if’ and not feel bad about it.

I can still fantasize about hiking the C to C (Cactus to Clouds or Skyline Trail) from the bottom of the Coachella Valley to the top of Mount San Jacinto but understand it’s probably not going to happen. Instead, I get to appreciate the photos that Brian and Melanie took when they accomplished that magnificent feat several years ago.

I can revisit the idea of long distance bike rides and be willing to admit that an electric bike might be the answer for that challenge now. I can still go to LA Fitness and work on this old tired body of mine. I can still search my tablet each morning, coffee and treat in hand, for writing ideas. It’s never too late to begin a new novel, play, screenplay or novella. If ‘Waleed, the skinny hippo’, is successful, I may even have a new series of children’s books to ponder.

It would seem upon honest reflection, that for me, almost every step along the way has been just a couple of steps behind everyone else. Always wondering why others in my class ‘got it’ long before I did. Moving to Europe when I hadn’t toughened my boots on local travel first. Wondering why those heart-throbbing, gut-wrenching romances in high school, college and beyond never quite measured up to the romantic notion that movies and books had painted in my brain. Having young children about the time my buddies were talking high school and college and becoming empty nesters.

But after seventy plus years of playing catch up I’m quite content where I am, still trudging along, catching fragrances along the way, and enjoying the journey.

Still late to the dance and OK with it.