Art of Gratitude

Recently, I self-published my 12th and latest novel entitled ‘Playground for the Devil.’ As I always do, I sent copies to my family members and, this time, included several friends who I thought would appreciate the book. Writing the book had been a long and arduous task but I was proud of the outcome and especially the storyline I had created. I wanted to share it with other folks who might enjoy an easy read and a real suspense thriller.

I wasn’t expecting a star-spangled parade or a bouquet of flowers for my gesture. A simple ‘thank you’ via e-mail or print or a phone call would have sufficed. I got two acknowledgments. My wife wasn’t particularly surprised. The kids knew the book was coming and so did some of those friends.’ It wasn’t unexpected’, she said, ‘so they probably thought ‘oh, thanks’ to themselves and that was that.’ Guess, I didn’t see it that way.

I think I’ve become spoiled by being around Sharon for the last fifty plus years. Granted, she’s a bit over the top when it comes to sending out cards and notes for any and every occasion. It’s not that she gets a lot of cards in return, but she feels good about her gestures of kindness. I thought I would follow suite. Turns out, it was an interesting failed experience that got me to thinking.

Aiding me in that examination of gratitude and appreciation was a new book I just received from Better World Books; my new ‘go to’ source for an eclectic variety of reading material. Where was this book when I was growing up and emulating (on a very subconscious level) the actions or inactions of my Mother?

Now I will be the first to tell anyone that I am totally unqualified to talk about gratitude and appreciation. While I understand this is a lame-ass retreat from responsibility, I can only fall back on the ‘excuse’ that I wasn’t raised that way. My mother was a lifelong survivor of her German heritage and Catholic upbringing. Self-reliance was built into her DNA and asking for help was something she rarely if ever did (and only then) under great duress. I think her attitude about gratitude was “they know I appreciate what they’ve done,’ I don’t have to tell them.”

Unfortunately, I picked up a lot of those same selfish traits and brought them to our marriage. Sharon’s gestures of appreciation at first confused, amused, and befuddled me. Where was the ROI or recognition for her gesture of kindness; I certainly didn’t see it coming back to her in spades.

But gradually over the years, I came to realize that wasn’t the point. If it was the right thing to do, then expecting recognition was only a nice added benefit. While it hurt not to be recognized as a kind gesture, the gesture itself should be satisfaction enough…because it was the right thing to do. Hard lesson to learn for someone like myself.

As a society, I think we’ve become more self-absorbed and unaware of kind gestures on the part of others. Among a few of my neighbors here in the sunny south land, there is an attitude of entitlement. ‘We’re here, we got it and you work for us.’ Those particular neighbors are not our friends. We just share the same green space with them.

Often times, I have to remind myself that the simple act of showing gratitude and appreciation really isn’t a monumental task to tackle. A simple ‘thank you’ to the clerk or attendant or server doesn’t hurt or diminish your own stature.

I always made a point of thanking my repairmen when I was in the real estate business. My gardener and pool man are told that on numerous occasions. While I’m not the card-sender or note-writer like my wife, I do try to make the effort when it’s called for. It doesn’t hurt and actually feels pretty good on the inside.

Who knew?