A Future Eclipsed

Milton Pizinger Funeral Card

My cousin died a couple of weeks ago. We were never that close. I saw him once at a funeral and fulfilled a promise I’d made fifty years earlier.

An early morning phone call from my sister ended any chance I’d have to see him one last time. While it gave me pause it also allowed me to think about his life spent here on earth. When I was growing up, his was a future seemingly set in stone, predictable and admirable.

Mother and I

As a very impressionable young man, I remember always hearing about this icon at our extended family gatherings. Aunts and Uncles praised his perfect life, wonderful wife and soaring career. ‘Cousin M was what we should all strive to become’ my sister and I were told over and over again. He was the example of what our life could be like if we worked hard and got a good education. But life sometimes has a way of throwing us curve balls when we least expect it.

Cousin M was born and raised in Saint Paul but moved to Irving, California after his divorce in the early sixties. It was quite scandalous back then because of the grand façade my mother and aunts had painted for the younger set. Cousin M’s perfect world imploded when marital imperfections rose to the surface.

Me in my Cretin uniform

I always held this cousin in high regard not only because of his real world accomplishments but also because he got me into Cretin High School at a critical juncture in my life. 

For three seasons I promised myself I’d stop by to see him when we were near the coast. But, of course, family obligations, writing distractions, and daily living kept that elusive goal further and further away until it was too late.

That was the first time I’d heard about divorce and witnessed the cloak of secrecy that our extended Catholic family quickly draped over my favorite icon. Over subsequent years my cousin got remarried and crafted a new life course for himself. An old future altered was made into a new and satisfying one.

But others weren’t so lucky. For them the future as planned didn’t always turn out as expected.

Cousin M’s younger brother was a well-regarded and beloved physician in town. He had his future planned up to and including early retirement, world travel and a focus on genealogy studies, reading for pleasure and more time with his wife and family. He was truly a ‘nice guy’ and deserved a wonderful future. Unfortunately a fatal heart attack at fifty-eight forever ended those plans.

Old KTCA Building

When I began my television career there was a program director who seemed to have it made. He was young, smart and ambitious. Unfortunately he had gotten married too early (his words not mine) and by the time he got to our station his eyes had begun to peruse the yearlings on staff. He hooked up with one and kept it secret to no one for years until his wife finally cut the cord and set him adrift. I think he ended up at some small station out west and ended his career there. Makes you wonder what he might have accomplished if he had kept his anchor at bay.

Another man I know made a name for himself in local politics, had the perfect family, a professional career that soared above the rest and wise investments that made him rich.  Then, venturing into the ‘mile high club’ wrecked his marriage, stained his political image and forever altered his predictable future.

One of the richest men in Minnesota had the reputation as one of the toughest wheeler-dealers in town. He grew his wealth and disregarded true friendships at the whim of a dollar bill. But then the big C raised its ugly head and six months to live forever altered his predictable future.

 

He told others he wanted to travel more after a trip to Europe had opened up a whole new world of experiences for him. But a legacy of disregard for others limited his scope of friends to just his immediate family and they didn’t much like to travel. The obits all painted wonderful portraits of his life but most of us in the know just smiled. It was a future unrealized and in the end, pretty sad.

It seems to me that there are three kinds of fair. The World’s Fair, the State Fair and the County Fair. The rest of life isn’t fair.

Time and again I’ve run into folks whose perfectly predictable future became unraveled through divorce, illness or unwise career decisions. Some were by choice and others by happenstance. But each and everyone found a future unrealized.

There’s an old quote by George Bernard Shaw: “The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them.”

I never cease to be amazed at the seemingly blind wanderings of some of those around me. Whether or not it is age-appropriate seems to be their main mantra. Having found a new cache of time in their retirement, they fill their hours with meaningless jaunts to the grocery store or in front of television set because the time is theirs to waste.

Worst yet are those who wax philosophically about the ‘best times of their lives.’ Like Bruce Springsteen’s’ ‘Glory Days’ they want to relive the past and hold on to what once was…instead of embracing their present day situation.

My Family

Guess I’m naïve enough to believe that the best is yet to come. Then on my death bed I’ll realize it was ‘all good’ because what was bad is over and what didn’t work out is past.

For most of those folks just mentioned it was a future unrealized. For the rest of us it’s

another tomorrow just waiting to be painted with bright colors of discovery, imagination and wonder…and no regrets…at all.