Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Legacy



Everyone agreed that he was one tough investigative journalist. He didn’t mince words. He told it like it was. He wasn’t afraid to confront any politician or government official that he didn’t think was doing their job. He was fearless, they all agreed. His public persona was one that he liked to sharpen and hone every chance he got. Yep, he certainly was who he was.

When he died, those in the know, those who dealt with him, those who had to work with him day in and day out, they all agreed…that he was a total asshole (their words, not mine). At his wake, few words were minced. Yeah, he was brazen all right, his colleagues agreed. Many said they wished they had his guts, gall, and bravado. Nevertheless, he was still a jerk. Hell of a legacy to leave behind if you ask me.

Then there was a contractor in our community. Many folks claimed he was one of the wealthiest businessmen that no one had ever heard of. At his wake, the consistent message was that he was one tough operator and…that was about it. No mention of any charity work he’d done, no improvements or contributions to his community (it seemed he owned half the place in the beginning), no mention of helping others in need. He just ran his business with an iron fist and made lots of money. Hell of a way to be remembered in the end.

That got me to thinking about my / our respective legacies when the time comes to take a bow and move on to the so-called afterlife.

Me
I grew up without a father or male role model in my life. There was a void of our lives that my Mother chose not to fill with any references or mementos of the man who brought me into this world. So all I have are scratches of tidbits scribbled on a fading memory bank. No good memories, no bad memories, no legacy at all. Nothing of the man who gave me life.

I’ve spoken in the past of my three aunts. From my earliest memories, they seemed like cold indifferent individuals who didn’t particularly care if I existed or not. They really were at the apex of that old time cliché about children ‘better to be seen and not heard.’

My mother with her parents

Horses on my grandparents' farm

What they were really like in ‘real life’ I have no idea. Their backgrounds were similar to that of my Mothers and it was a tough one. There was little to no appreciation for the value of an education. Collectively, they all seemed to have an attraction to men who didn’t value women and had a problem with the drink. By the time they passed, I was either in the service or far removed from my past life. They all passed on and it mattered little to me. Unfortunately, my memories of them are not good ones. That then is their legacy.

Erwin holding our son Brian

My stepfather, Erwin, was a charmer up until the end at age 104. After my mother got ill, we had to place Erwin in a nursing home. He didn’t last long there but his residency was one of mass every morning and sneaking candy into his pew. He loved to sit outdoors and watch the birds and he could still wrangle a card game with the best of them.

My mother only started to slow down near the end of her life and to be honest it was my sister and Sharon who took up the yeoman’s share of caring for her. Marlene and Sharon were saints even when my mother wasn’t. Fortunately, for me my memories began to thin out and dissipate before she got old and ill. I only remember her in fleeting fading glimpses at my past life growing up on Randolph Avenue in Saint Paul. I wish her legacy was clearer than it is. What I remember was good and honest and sincere. She led by example and I became her follower. One could not ask for more.

Sharon and her parents

Other folks have told me about the challenges they went through caring for their aging parents until the end. Everyone faces their eminent demise in their own way. Some are grateful for a life well lived. Some are content with their contributions to society. Others are happy with their children and grandchildren. Others wonder if they’ve prayed enough of late to get them reserved seats beyond the pearly gates.

I’m still pondering my legacy. I hope it’s seen in a life well lived. The solid companionship of a wonderful woman and offspring that warm my heart by their very presence.

It certainly won’t be an accumulation of material goods, second homes, or trips traveled. I hope it’s seen in the accomplishments of my children, the growing success of my grandchildren and a couple of books and plays thrown in for good measure.


If leading by example has any value I’d like to believe I paved a way that my kids and grandkids might want to emulate. As for me, the words I don’t ever want to utter are: woulda, coulda, shoulda.

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

Fortress Singapore




I found it interesting that the President decided to use Singapore as his meeting place with the dictator from North Korea. Singapore is a fascinating country in that it chose, a long time ago, to follows its own path into the Twenty-First century.



Its strict laws have been criticized by Westerners as barbaric and cruel by our standards. Nevertheless, their adherence to conformity hasn’t diminished their success in the marketplace; regionally or worldwide. I found Singapore to be at once modern and ancient, congested and clean. It felt extremely safe for a large metropolitan area.






We traveled to Singapore as part of an Asian trip when Sharon was President of her local Rotary club in Apple Valley. After Singapore, we traveled through Bali, Thailand and Hong Kong. Without a doubt, Singapore was the highlight of our trip.



Long before that trip, there was a special place for Singapore harbored in my imagination. That fascination with the Island State had been fueled years earlier while I was still in high school. Two books by one of my favorite English authors, Alistair MacLean, began this life-long interest with World War Two; especially the early stages of Japanese conquest of the Far East.



Alistair MacLean’s first novel was entitled ‘H.M.S. Ulysses.’ It was based on the infamous Murmansk run. A dangerous convoy trip from America and England to send supplies to Russia. One of the most lethal convoys was the Murmansk Run across the North Atlantic and from Iceland to the Russian ports of Murmansk, Archangel, and Kola Inlet. It involved more hazards than in any other kind of naval duty. In addition, prior to the spring of 1943, when an effective Allied antisubmarine offensive got underway, ships and men making the so-called “Murmansk Run” had about a one in three chance of returning alive.

The icy waters of the North Atlantic and hunter-killer U-boats meant certain death to any crewman unlucky enough to have his ship torpedoed during the trip. Hence the great song by Woody Guthrie ‘The Rubin James.’




The second novel, which tied directly to the fall of Singapore, was entitled: ‘South by Java Head.’ Winston Churchill had called Singapore the “Gibraltar of the East.” An impregnable fortress at the heart of the British empire in the Far East.



When the island fortress fell to Japanese forces on February 15th 1941, it marked the beginning of the end for the British Empire’s extended colonies. The ‘jewel in the crown of the British Empire’, India, gained independence in 1947. Other British holdings followed: Burma in 1948, Malaya in 1957, and Singapore soon after. And it all began with the fall of Singapore.



I’ve already written a 30-page treatment for my own novel about the fall of Singapore. It’s entitled: ‘Siloso,’ named after the last British fortress on the Island to fall to the invading Japanese soldiers. Right now it patiently waits behind other treatments for plays, screenplays and novels each shuffling around in my brain, trying to grab my full attention and a place at the head of my ‘to do’ list.

Tuesday, June 5, 2018

DNA and Me



My DNA results are back and it’s left me as clueless as before. A few years ago Sharon spent considerable time working on our respective ancestries. She was able to trace her elders back to Germany and a few strains for me back to France. She felt satisfied with her findings and hopes to do more research in the future.


My new DNA results from Ancestry.com (ancestryDNA) did spread out my forefathers further along than France where Sharon had uncovered some rumblings of a past for me. My new Ancestry DNA found that 58% of my relatives came from Europe West (defined as Germany, the Netherlands, Belgium and Luxembourg). Further along, another 19% came from the Iberian Peninsula and finally 18% from Great Britain. If I was hoping for old real estate or land holdings in France still in my name, it wasn’t there.



I guess if you go back far enough one can probably find traces of their past beyond recorded time. At least there seemed to be no traces of Neanderthal in my past. What did intrigue me was under the title of ‘Migrations.’ That was listed as Saint Lawrence River French Settlers. Ever the dramatist that seemed like a great back water for me to follow. Who cares about relatives coming over in a steamer trunk or over the Bearings Straits, I had French fur traders, Indian fighters and adventurers to stir up my imagination.

In the past, I’ve never been a big fan of Genealogy or family trees. I tend to dismiss those infamous tall tales handed down through the ranks of relatives about the ‘good old days.’ The past is the past and can’t be changed. Or so I thought.



Perhaps this laissez-faire attitude comes from my own upbringing. Being raised in a single parent household we never recognized the absence of my father. So it was hardly an incentive for me to care about my own ancestry. Today we’d probably categorize ours as a dysfunctional family. But it didn’t seem that way to my sister and me at the time. We were poor (maybe lower middle class is a better moniker) but so were many of our friends. We had a place to call home and went to good schools so little else mattered.

Therefore, it was with only mild interest that I watched my wife begin her search for our respective family trees. Sharon very quickly became immersed in the search and began tabulating ancestors on both sides of our family. Thus far she has researched more than 152 individuals. She was able to go back to the 1600s in Germany. The oldest person she’s found was Pierre Helle who was born in 1676. France, Germany, and Canada seem to be the favorite countries of origin.

As she clicked along, some fascinating facts began to emerge.



For example, there has always been a ‘George’ Schumacher for at least eight generations back on her side of the family. Her descendants came from a small village in Germany, no surprise there. One distant relative served in the Illinois Infantry Regiment, Company E, Unit 31.



My mother’s roots followed a much similar lineage. Her grandparents also go back to another part of Germany. There was a grandfather who fought in the Civil War. He went in as a private and came out the same. But he did survive. Our assumption is that he probably got his farmland in Sterns County from the government for his time in the service. That seemed to happen to a lot of returning veterans. Most of my distant relatives come from Sterns County or nearby.

Another relative was rumored to have had thirty kids although that hasn’t been confirmed. Now that’s a shame because it would have been a reality TV series, guaranteed.




The real mystery begins with my father; no surprise there. As far back as I can remember there was never any mention of his ever being alive. Growing up, there were no pictures of him in our home nor any references to him at extended family gatherings. It was as if he never existed.

I was too young to understand the significance of his absence in my life. The only comment I ever got from my Aunts was that it was OK not having a father and (hint hint) I was probably better off that way. My Uncles had nothing to say…about anything.

Growing up, I always sensed a kind of animosity on my aunt’s part toward my sister and me. I could never figure that one out. Now with age and this research it’s become a little clearer. Doesn’t hurt any less but it’s more explainable. As time passed, I became aware of real families with a father and a mother…just like in the chapter books at school.


Photo Credit: Jerry Hoffman

Back in the early fifties on Randolph Avenue, it was just the three of us: my mother, my sister, and I. We were each dealing with life on different levels. My sister has a lot of memories of that period growing up in Saint Paul. I have practically none. I’m not sure what that says or means but it remains a fact.



I vaguely remembered that my father’s lineage was French Canadian. Beyond that… little else. He had been married once before. There was a lot of confusion about whether or not there had been a divorce or annulment with his first marriage. He married my mother but we’re not sure when. The reasons for their separation and subsequent divorce had been clouded by denial, mis-statements, and confusion. About the time my Mother decided to come clean, the fog of aging and miles traveled made any clear recollection of times past just a guessing game on her part.


My Parents' Wedding Day

Thirteen years after my mother’s death, Sharon finally began making some headway on un-wrapping the mystery of my father. It’s been one long and arduous journey fraught with poor records, incorrect dates, family lies, and purposeful misstatements to protect the innocent…or so they thought.

Stumbling back in time, we found out that the core of my ancestors settled in Quebec, Canada. Their descendants came from France. Now I’m inclined to imagine them as French settlers or fur traders plying the waters of Canada in their long boats.

One of my grandfathers was a ‘wagon loader.’ Laugh as you might, today he’d probably be working for UPS in logistics and making a nice income. Back in my college years, I used to load and unload trucks in the dead of winter. Now I know where those deft skills came from.



The French nuns at the little French school in downtown Saint Paul had a huge impact on my life even if I didn’t know it at the time. When the school was built back in the 1873, it was meant for the children of second and third generation French settlers.

By the time my sister and I started school there, it was a cosmopolitan smorgasbord of ethnic groups. There were Irish, Italian, German, Spanish and oriental students. Almost all of them lived along the fringe of the downtown loop. Unlike all of our white counterparts where we lived in Highland Park, it made for some interesting playground banter.

Turns out, I love Cajun music and French cinema; especially romantic comedies. I love the gentility and flow of the French language. I loved Paris two summers ago and want to return there soon. Something French must have rubbed off on me. I tried to explain that in a past blog entitled A Catholic Education.

It turns out there was a critical junction or fork in my ancestral road. The road split and one branch was named Lacombe and the other LaTulippe. The plot of flowers was on my grandmother’s side. I never knew her but she must have been a wise woman to have chosen Lacombe. At least I didn’t have to defend myself in grade school from some bully mocking my name.

Another interesting fact was the evolution of the name LaComb. If you go far enough back there used to be an ‘e’ at the end of Lacombe. At another point, the ‘c’ became capitalized.

I was surprised to see on my birth certificate that my name was spelled: Dennis. When I asked my mother why it had been changed she had a simple explanation. She said that in first grade, the French nuns informed her that the proper spelling of my name was Denis. Mom knew better than to mess with the French nuns.



That’s OK; I’ve grown quite accustomed to Denis…and besides it’s not too flowery.

Tuesday, May 29, 2018

Those Who Stayed



Some people are like homing pigeons. They find a comfortable niche and never want to leave it. The most noticeable example are folks raised in small towns who can’t wait to get out of Dodge then return to raise their families in the same environment they actually felt so fulfilling as children themselves. There is something intrinsic in their DNA that compels them to return to their roots.
Then there those who stay with a company or institution for the duration of their working career. It might be a comfortable situation, a pay grade they don’t want to give up, security, insecurity in the open marketplace or any other reason that keeps them tied to their desk and job title.
I’ve left a couple of great companies after several years of employment only because I found a slightly greener pasture across a different time zone. MCPB, The Maryland Center for Public Broadcasting was one of the best jobs I ever had. I absolutely loved it there but still the time came to move on. I guess there are just some of us who can’t sit still.
Old KTCA Building - Minneapolis/St. Paul
As the first public television station in the Twin Cities, KTCA seemed to have a grace period from roughly its inception in 1957 through the end of the Sixties. After that, management changes, staff departures and a shift in programming philosophy drained off the rough-hewn experimental, challenging directions we were going in. The station became a PBS affiliate and along with their wonderful new programming also came a uniformity and conformity that a lot of us early pioneers felt confining. So we left in drips and drabs and then we were gone.



WTCI; the public television station in Chattanooga, Tennessee was just a blip on my career ladder. What can I say; it was the Deep South in the early Seventies and as one crew member said to me: “We don’t cotton much to Yankees telling us what to do.” He meant it and that pretty much sealed the deal for me. We made some wonderful friends down there; many of whom we still exchange Christmas cards. But for the most part, they continued growing cotton and I headed north.

The Maryland Center for Public Broadcasting was probably one of my best jobs. Great institution, outstanding management, wonderful staff and crew, fulfilling job and the opportunity to explore much of the East Coast.
It was five years of firsts for me: First child born, first home purchased, first two novels written, first inkling to buy real estate and start my own business, my own program distribution business, first time I jogged three miles on a high school track and began forty-seven years of running. We lived the East Coast lifestyle and loved it.
The MCPB Facebook web site talks about that period as ‘Camelot’ and to a lot of us past staffers, that’s exactly what it was…for a period of time. Then over time budgetary issues, management changes and a distillation of some of the creative staff changed the culture and thus the heart of the institution. Many stayed on. I left to return home and gradually, I’m told, Camelot began to fade away. At least that was my perspective from afar.
There were a few other companies, some brief and others extended, after MCPB. They all seemed to begin with a bang and then gradually morph into a sad reminder of what they once had been. It might have been a graduated calcification of the creativity that attracted me to them in the first place. It might have been the laurel-resting after their first blush of success. In the end it wasn’t the same environment that nurtured my hunger. Others felt contentment there. I felt hollowness behind the façade of past congratulations for a job well done. So I left. They continued on. I grew. I don’t think they did.
Sometimes education, city government and politics all share the same evasive value of being great one moment and in transition, the next. This is not a value judgment but rather a reflection of the innate character of those institutions. Many staffers learn to live with the fluidity of their environment or accept the reliable, constant that their lives have become. I could tolerate neither and thus moved on.
Sharon and I have evolved, changed, morphed and switched color palates many times in our lives together and each transition seemed to fit us at the moment. Then opportunity or circumstance nudged us down yet a different road again.


Now in lieu of retirement Sharon is an artist and I am a writer. It nurtures us and gives reason for the sunrise each morning.
Enough said.

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Poly as a Play



After meeting my girlfriend from high school (long story) she commented that we had history. ‘Good history,’ she said and she had fond memories of that period in our lives. My second girlfriend from college said that if we couldn’t be friends on Facebook we could be ‘friends in spirit.’ Those were simple one-on-one romantic relationships that ended normally. Then a third special woman came along and that relationship has lasted for more than forty-six years.
Normal relationships, yes. Typical, yes - but not for everyone.
In this modern day world of dating, match-ups, hook-ups, swinging, swapping, switching, one-nighters and a dozen or more complicated variations of romantic liaisons, it turns out that not one type of relationship suits all. In fact, there are probably as many different intimate, sexual, personal relationships as can meet the imagination. One of the most prominent of which is called a polyamorous relationship.
A friend who knew I was a playwright brought this to my attention. Never one to say no to a good story idea I looked it up on Google. It opened up a whole new world of alternate lifestyles…to study, that is... just to study. And the more I did, the more I thought my friend was on to something. There had to be a good storyline someplace under the bedsheets here.
A polyamorous relationship is defined as a romantic relationship with more than one person. What distinguishes it from a classic love triangle is that all the partners know about each other and are accepting of those other relationships. It can pertain to men or women or a combination of both.
One form is called polyfidelity which means there is a committed relationship between the people and they are sexually faithful to one another. There can be three or more people in such a relationship.
My curiosity was aroused (sorry for the pun) even further when another friend who works at a medical clinic casually told me about her encounters with swingers. It seems there is a group of swingers who go to her clinic once a month for blood tests to make sure they haven’t contacted any STDs. They meet monthly at a local restaurant to check out new couples and arrange encounters.
My friend was impressed by the casual nature as well as honest and open approach this woman took when describing how her group went about exchanging wives, girlfriends, boyfriends and new arrivals. Who knew such exchanges were taking place in my own community? So how to write a play around such a subject matter without showing it disrespect and yet portraying it as an everyday occurrence, which it is…for some people.



Fortunately over the last two summers, I’ve had two of my plays produced here in Minnesota. The Second Act Players, a part of RAAC, the Rosemount Area Arts Council, produced ‘Riot at Sage Corner’ and ‘Club 210.’


Both plays gave me a great opportunity to watch my scripts being acted out by talented cast members. I was also able to sit among the audiences and watch their reactions. There were parts of the script that shined and other parts that could have used more refinement. But most importantly, it gave me as a playwright an entirely new perspective from the audience’s point of view.
This last season I was fortunate enough to stage-manage two plays at a local venue. This venue (Script2Stage2Screen) is located in Rancho Mirage at the Unitarian Church. Each season they present six staged-readings from original works. Stage managing gave me an opportunity to study both plays in greater detail. The two plays, ‘Pass-Over’ and ‘Mitigating Damages,’ were imaginative, thoughtful performances.
To better understand all the variations and emotional dynamics of a polyamorous relationship, I had to do research. But it would have to be the kind that wouldn’t get me into trouble with my spouse. She’s an understanding sort when I do research but she has her boundaries. So I started with Google.
According to a study published in the ‘Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy’ in 2016, 21 percent of people have had a non-monogamous relationship – one in which ‘all partners agree that each other may have romantic and/or sexual relationships with other partners.’
The notion of multiple-partner relationships is as old as the human race itself. But polyamorists trace the foundation of their movement to the utopian Oneida Christian commune of upstate New York, founded in 1848 by Yale theologian John Humphrey Noyes. But it wasn’t until the late-1960s and 1970s ‘free love’ movement that polyamory truly came into vogue when books like ‘Open Marriage’ topped the best seller lists and groups like the North American Swingers Club began experimenting with the concept.
It’s hard for many people to think outside of the fairy-tale notion of ‘the one’ and imagine that it might be possible to actually romantically love more than one person simultaneously. Jealousy is the main culprit and it’s an issue that polyamorists deal with constantly.
Once I discovered this Achilles heel of jealousy I had my theme and the main point of conflict and contention in my storyline. Yeah, it sounded like the groundwork for a new play.
So that’s what I did. I wrote ‘Poly’s Amorous Adventures.’
My play about a polyamorous relationship was going to be a challenge even though I had a good idea of how the storyline (Polly’s dilemma) was going to unfold right from the start. I wanted to grab the audience’s attention, hold on tight and not let it go. But I also wanted to make my characters real, sympathetic in their relationship challenges and honest in their pursuit of this triangle affair.
My main protagonist, Polly, is in a polyamorous relationship or so she thinks she is. The two men involved aren’t so sure and Polly’s girlfriend, Hazel, is certain that she isn’t. Polly’s mother is a toss-up. She could go either way but wants in on the action anyway.
In ‘Poly’s Amorous Adventures’ I’ve tried to be true to the intent of a polyamorous relationship but to also analyze the complexities of multiple relationships where emotions, raw feelings, confusion and jealousy are all a part of the equation. Then to stir up the pot a little more, I’ve added a handyman who is more than that, a girlfriend who can swing both ways, an on-line sex councilor who just can’t stay in her PC and an unconventional shopping list for insane pleasure.
The play was a joy to write. I fell in love with my characters, was surprised by their reactions to events and rational for their relationships. ‘Poly’s Amorous Adventures’ turned out to be a rollicking, twisted, sometimes torturous pathway through human emotions and ever-elusive true love.
It’s hard enough being in a one-on-one relationship with another person whether it’s a past girlfriend from high school or college or that someone special that you’ve been with forever. Relationships are challenging enough without love and romance blushing up the waters with their complex currents of swirling emotions. Now add to that one-on-one slow dance with yet another person or two and it’s bound to get just a little bit crazy.
And a lot of fun to write about too.