It’s
always been a challenging question even for someone like me not adept in the
game of communication. Do people have a responsibility to respond when you send
them a greeting, comment, update or any other form of communication? Some of my
friends argue that one comment doesn’t necessarily deserve or require a
response. Other friends argue just as emphatically that any communication
requires at least some kind of cursory response. They argue that the initial
communique is usually meant to be ‘an invitation to respond.’
I’m
one of those guys who likes to hear back from anyone I’ve sent a message to unless
it’s a simple comment that obviously doesn’t require a response. Every once in
a while I’ll send a message to a friend and never get a response. That’s always
disappointing for someone who spends an inordinate amount of time on the
computer. My e-mail is only one pinke tap away and unfortunately it has become
an all too familiar finger twitch at least a half dozen times an hour.
Yet
I’m reminded by my smarter, better half that life doesn’t always go smoothly in
that arena. There is the all too familiar circle-of-life phenomena in which
friends, associates, compadres, girlfriends, classmates, roommates, pals and
partners float, land, slide or otherwise come into our lives and just as
quickly leave it again. It’s happened to me dozens of times in school, the
service, work, voluntary organizations, trips and events. Rock solid relationships
held tight by happenstance and circumstance that eventually break apart and
slide away like sand on the beach.
As perplexing as people are who don’t respond
so too are those who don’t follow through with initial connections. An old
friend, fifty years past, wrote me out of the blue one day. Her e-mail cut
straight to the point. “You did become a
writer” it said…and that was it. After fifty years it was one line and then she
signed her name and suggested we become ‘friends’ on Facebook. Rather curious,
I thought. My interest was piqued. After that initial contact there was some
lite correspondence over time but nothing that formed a solid bond of
communication. It never turned out the way I thought it might. To this day I
still don’t know why.
I’m also fascinated by some people’s inability
or unwillingness to keep their word or simply follow-through on promises made.
We sometimes see false bravado in young men or small children. It’s part of
their growing into adulthood. How is it that some adults haven’t been able to
shake off that habit of somehow believing what they say to be true when we (and
I suspect they) know it isn’t so? It turns out that speaking one’s mind and
meaning it are not always intrinsically linked together.
I knew a skipper who had the habit of
recruiting crew members for his sailboat on Lake Superior. When we first met he
asked if I would be interested in ‘crewing.’ I was thrilled at the thought of
sailing on Gitche Gume. He promised to call but he never did. When I bumped
into him at another party he asked me the same question. It was only after I commented to a mutual friend
that I was told that ‘the skipper’ had a habit of ‘recruiting’ anytime he met
someone new. He had never once followed through with his promise of taking new
recruits on the high seas. It was just a social crutch he used to spice up his
conversation instead of contributing something of sub-stance.
Another case in point was an occasional visitor
to Palm Springs. He loved the area and was always talking about purchasing a
condo there. We would often check out ‘open houses’ when he was in town. He
talked and talked but never once seriously made an offer to buy. I came to
realize it was just part of his routine dialogue and he never meant a word of
it.
It’s
exciting when past acquaintances are rekindled and friendships renewed. Then
disappointing when some of those connections dissipate once again with the
coming of nightfall. What’s even more disappointing is the realization that
it’s the other party who doesn’t want the connection to continue. That’s
happened to me on Facebook several times when old acquaintances contacted me then
for some inexplicable reason never respond back again.
My interpersonal radar has gotten much better
over time. I’m more adept at detecting false bravado and bull…oney from my
fellow man. The other sex is something entirely different. I guess I’ll just
continue to plod along making friends where I can and hope that what they tell
me in the course of normal conversation has some basis in truth. I’d like to
think of it as being open and honest…or at least my version of that reality.
There
ought to be a course one could take in relationships, love, communication and
other interpersonal social skills. Oh, I guess there already is. It’s called
life. I’ve been a student in that class
for a very long time now. No graduation yet in sight.
But
if any of my old friends or acquaintances gets this message, please stay in
touch.
I’d
love to hear from you.
