Doesn't Need a Man in Her Life

‘Need’ is the operative word here. I’m talking about the kind of woman who makes some men very uncomfortable. The last thing you’d dare call her is the ‘little woman,’ ‘wife of’ or ‘other half.’ She is herself; totally herself without apology. Most men get it; some poor souls don’t.

As a novelist, playwright and screen writer, it’s my job to create, imagine and paint colorful picture-stories of women that readers want to read about. They should be real, provocative, mysterious, and honest to the real thing.

For example, I’ve tried to do this with my ‘Debris’ trilogy. There’s Natalie, a semi-butch lesbian, Juliet, who turns out to be bi-sexual, Millie, an aging Hollywood star, Miranda, a victim of incest and a host of other (I believe) real world women. Yet, as often as I try to paint an honest portrayal of a real woman, I find myself falling back into my most comfortable, familiar refrain.

It’s like in Greek mythology where sirens, half-bird, half-woman creatures, lure sailors to their death with their enchanting, irresistible songs. Their beautiful, yet deceptive, melodies play in my head as well and cause me, along with those mariners, to lose our minds and sail the ships into the rocky shores of the Sirens' island, causing us to drown.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, I find myself almost always gravitating toward a singular profile for my female protagonist. What can I say; I’m prejudice in the best kind of way. Through my writings, I’ve made no secret of my admiration of and attraction to independent, strong-willed women who are confident enough in themselves and their own abilities that they don’t need a man for any kind of affirmation.

I have absolutely no idea where my fascination with strong women came from? My mother was a strong-willed woman but never in a demonstrative way; German Catholics seldom are. It wasn’t the other woman in my life; aunts, nuns, female classmates, someone in the church pew ahead of me.

In my younger years, the women I’d been involved with all fit that criteria in one manner or another. Until the day, one came along who wore that crown like it was custom-tailored for her. Fifty-three years later, it still fits despite two personalities that couldn’t be more different in so many ways.

One of the Seven Wonders of the World is how an ISTJ (off the charts) married and learned to live with an ENFJ (off the charts) for fifty-three blissful years. An introvert and an Alpha Female navigating the ups and downs of communal living with all the baggage of kids, mortgages, careers, etc.

My own experience living with an Alpha Female means that most of the time she gets her way, mainly because I don’t care!  So, it’s eighty percent of the time (she’d argue it should be 125%) that her way dictates our lifestyle. Surprisingly (or not), this unplanned arrangement fits our opposite personalities and causes no problem. Seriously! It’s the other twenty percent that gets interesting.

The other ten percent where we can’t agree means that nothing gets done until some kind of compromise is reached. That stalemate can last days or months. Some have never been resolved and we’ve managed to survive as a happy couple. The final ten percent is the most important ingredient to our marriage success.

Without any preplanning, real discussion, or analysis before we got married, Sharon and I have (most fortunately) found ourselves in complete agreement on several core issues paramount to our lives. This includes little interest in material goods, current status symbols and any other cha-chas that announce ‘we have arrived.’ Neither one of us is afraid of hard work, monetary sacrifices, and common-sense dictates in raising our children.

Of all those things, large and small, that are important to both of us, education is at the top of that list. As mentioned in a past blog ‘Origins of Birth,’ education is the gift that keeps giving for us, our children and grandchildren. I hope it continues to be the standard of excellence of all of us long into our future.

As far a living with an alpha female goes, a lot of folks don’t understand that someone like that has to see her partner as equal not less. So, while she doesn’t need a man in her life, Sharon isn’t one to let a good thing go…not after fifty-three years. Lucky me.

Old White Guy

I’m a relic. Some would say a dinosaur; almost an endangered species. Even worse, I’m straight, middle class, Catholic (sort of), neither right nor left but comfortably ensconced in the middle depending on the issue/s. In other words, I’m an average old white guy and clearly out of flavor for the times.

Old white guys are no longer the norm. In fact, we’re the enemy to many in our progressive society. That’s a real issue with some other white guys I know. They’re uncomfortable with all this talk about our immigration policies, our hard earned money going overseas and talk about abuse in the Catholic Church. These and a raft of other political and social issues that up until now they’ve felt they had no say about.

They have a host of people, places, and things to point their fingers at. Forget the fact that as the one finger points outward, the others fold back at the accuser. I suspect one of their favorite culprits, the swinging sixties, had a lot to do with it. Civil rights, women’s rights, gay liberation, and sexual freedom all pointed the way toward a more democratic, fairer, and more equitable world for those oppressed among us.

When analysts and pundits were trying to figure out how Donald Trump won the White House, they happened upon this disgruntled majority who felt like a minority. They documented this group’s feeling of unattachment to the success of the rest of the country. We’re told they felt threatened by the browns and blacks stealing their jobs. They believed their old order was under attack and only a return to the world of Ozzie and Harriett was the answer.

Now we have the MeToo movement churning up the business and entertainment waters trolling for past offenders. The Golden Globes and Academy Awards celebrate their diversity in hosting, awards and acknowledgements. A closer examination of theaters in many cities finds a definite slant toward new words by women of color, members of the LGBT community and other often ignored members of our greater society. The odd man out in this equation is the average white guy because he had played such a prominent role in American history for the past two hundred plus years.

Many will argue instead of dress up, the time is ripe for real change and they couldn’t be more spot on. These changes have been a long time in coming and should be welcomed by everyone in our society. Unfortunately, as so often happens, what is good for the gander can be curtains for the goose.

It’s not really that bad for us old White guys, and the pendulum will swing the other way over time. All of those other tribes that haven’t had a chance at the opportunity that is the United States of America should experience the full scope of what this country has to offer.

For many of those newly enfranchised folks will come the realization that their difference will, in time, not make any difference at all. They will then be judged by the width and breath of their talent, their commitment and their dedication to their goal, focus, art and passion. Then the color of their skin and their gender and sexual orientation will take a back seat to their talent …just as it should.

Maybe in some far off distant future we won’t notice the color of their skin, their gender, their sexual orientation, and only focus on the important thing; their soul and ‘are they a good person.’

Just sayin’.