Staying Relevant in Old Age

Sailboats and airlines move in exactly the same manner, never in a straight line, self-correcting all the time. Our lives should be pretty much the same. That sounds about right during most of our lifetime until things gets harder with age.

Staying relevant for anyone at any age can be quite a challenge today. These are trying times for even the most blasé among us. Normal political practices are tripping over themselves with standards and norms are being adjusted, maligned, and dismembered on a daily basis.

Now, artificial intelligence makes anything digital questionable; what is real and what isn’t. It’s bots for breakfast and cloud-based data swirling in cyberspace all around us. No wonder we can no longer trust news sources to give us the truth; straight and honest. It seems as if everyone has an agenda; for themselves, their clients, and their objectives in life.

For older folks it gets even harder to filter the shaft (BS) from the real and authentic. I think that’s why many of us in this older generations just want to ‘gave it a rest’ once they reached retirement age. It’s happened before; just as Tom.

News correspondent Tom Brokaw celebrated his generation by calling them ‘the greatest generation.’ He hero-worshipped their struggles during the Great Depression, their heroic actions in World War Two and their resiliency during the post-war recovery.

This was my parent’s generation. The one I was supposed to look up to for guidance, inspiration and an idea of what one does when one has lived a full life and was now retired. I am of the boomer generation but each succeeding generation supposedly possessed unique qualifications that made them something special too. Yet, it was the ‘greatest generation’ that had supposedly started it all. I beg to differ.

While most of us morphed into adulthood and were facing daily challenges and struggles with our jobs, career advancements, relationships, and world events, many of the ‘greatest generation’ had divorced themselves from current events in their lives. It was if they’d been through all of that before and now, they just wanted to enjoy their retirement and shed themselves of the challenges most of us were facing on a daily basis.

On the surface it seemed a well-deserved retirement schedule forged out of long hours at work and raising a family. The downside of that entrenched isolationism on their part is that they were not staying relevant to the world around them. The world continued on and they stayed in their old place, stuck in the past even as it became more and more irrelevant.

One of the frequent laments that Sharon hears from women her age is the fear that their spouse is ‘getting old’ on them. It’s a real concern that the man in their life is closing down to the real world. They fear their partner’s opinions, attitudes and reactions reflect a continuing disconnect from everyday reality. Many of these men see a world that is changing all around them and they don’t like it.

Monday morning quarterbacking became a favorite game to play because they had the time. Old men gathered at the coffee shop to talk at one another and seldom if ever listened to what was being said. If and when they did happen to listen, the conversation usually centered around bitching about taxes, local and national government, believing the propaganda all the political parties were spewing forth on the air waves and in print. It was seldom if ever positive and more likely a sad lament of times past and the failures of future generations rather than their own.

Now I and millions more like me are of that senior generation. The boomers are getting older and some, unfortunately, have morphed into that same isolationist routine of living. The corner coffee shop is full of old men bitching about taxes, politics and politicians and the futility of trying to talk sense into that younger generation. Here we go all over again.

Staying relevant to the world around us seems to be the only answer for my generation. To stay informed, involved and committed to something is far better than to remain entrenched in yesterday and the glory of one’s past. The world cares little for our opinion. They do respect our action. And in the end, our actions may be the only thing that counts.

Giving Up the Little Things

It’s like a plague (okay, a bit exaggerated, perhaps) that accompanies old age. A creeping, always justified excuse for slowing down and doing less. A self-congratulatory attitude that says: “I’ve paid my dues and now I’m owed some quiet time.” The self-assured argument that you no longer have to do all those meaningless tasks you were assigned early on in life and have been dutifully fulfilling ever since.

Now, you get to choose what you want to do, feel like doing, and damn it, are going to do or not do. And if you don’t want to do________ (fill in the blank here) then you don’t have to. You’ve earned your right to rest. At least, that’s the mindset that often comes creeping into that tired old brain of yours (or should I say, ours.)

The trouble with this self-fulfilling prophesy is that behind the aforementioned righteous rational lies a fatal flaw that can slowly but most assuredly rob you of the blessings of life. The truth is that it’s the little things that mean a lot, especially later on in life. To eliminate them is only to quicken the pace of an early demise or, at the very least, heighten needless anxiety about ‘the little things.’

I’ve seen it happen over and over again; with my parent’s, other friend’s parents and now (under the glow of my twilight years) some folks around me. It’s never seen as giving up. But rather, an embracing of doing less and not replacing that vacuum with something else worthwhile. Cutting back and emptying that repository of memories and not replacing it with anything new.

So, slowly but surely, the exercising slows down and finally stops. Travel becomes too clogged with uncertainty, driving at night is uncomfortable and our ‘own bed’ takes on a new importance. Our old familiar workplace has changed so much we don’t recognize it from when we first started in the business. Politics remains the same and we stop listening to the facts presented and only focus on the style of dress and how ‘believable’ our favorite candidate seems. If we still care at all.

All those morsels in our lives that made it a comfortable pattern of behavior are gradually lost or let go. Now we have more and more of less and less in our lives. The problem with this new scenario is that the vacuum never remains empty. Instead, it is filled with doubt and confusion and uncertainty of the new, ever evolving world all around us.

I can pin-point almost to the year when my friend’s parents stop living in the present. Their eldest was going off to college in the big city and they knew in their heart of hearts that their future was not going to be a repeat of their past.

It was going to be a different world (as seen through their children’s eyes) and they consciously or subconsciously decided to remain in ‘their’ own little world which is what they did. Gradually as the world changed around them, it became harder and harder for them to recognize the old from the new. Their world was becoming less and less like that of their kids. They found it harder and harder to relate to their children’s cares and concerns. The little, inconsequential things, took on new meaning and importance. Their kids urged them to ‘get out of the house’ and into the real world but they refused.

They’d become captives within their own self-made capsule of existence. Unfortunately, along with this isolation came confusion and concern about the myriads of changes all around them. Nothing seemed like it had been before. They felt lost and confused and thus clung to the old familiar at the expense of the new and present.

It’s a trap that’s easy to fall into without a conscious effort to stay informed, updated and involved with ‘skin in the game.’ Not an easy task but one that is critical to living a fulfilling life.

As mentioned so often before, at this stage of the game, ‘health is wealth.’ The secret sauce of staying alive and conscious to the world around us is to stay active in mind and body alike. The options and opportunities are endless and each one of them paves the way for a more satisfying and fulfilling life.

We only get one chance at this journey through life, why not live it to the fullest and take a break afterwards in eternity.

Mig and Pat

Unlike a lot of kids in my generation, I had no adult influences growing up. There were no doting grandparents hovering around the corner, no aunts, or uncles who cared about my sister and me. No male father figures to substitute for my own father who left our family after a couple of years. I had no uncles, cousins, coaches, or teachers to show a young boy the ropes. There was a vacuum of adult guidance that no one stepped forward to fill.

Thus growing up, I had no road map or past history to guide me into the world of adulthood. It still surprises me sometimes. My only world of adults consisted of cold sterile aunts and bachelor uncles, shouting card-parties and the ever-present, none too subtle attitude that ‘children should be seen and not heard.’ Our opinions were neither recognized nor cared about.

So it’s hardly surprising that my attitude toward ‘old people’ has never followed that 50’s tradition of respecting our elders for their wisdom and guidance. They didn’t seem to care about me and I returned the attitude. My protagonist Daniel said it best in ‘Love in the A Shau.’ He said ‘The best thing I can say about my Aunts and Uncles is…” (It wasn’t a kind statement but it was true.)

That is, until now.

Mig (Mylon) and his lovely wife Pat have restored my faith in old people. That’s good news coming from a newly ripen 75-year-old who only recently began to recognize his own mortality. At 89, Mig still has got the vim and vigor of a 50 year old and his mental acumen can beat the best of them at card and dice games. He can still swing a fishing pole or heft a shotgun with his sons and grandsons.

Knowing Mig and Pat has helped dispel many of my myths about growing old and in the process has clarified why it’s so easy to fall into the trap of ‘getting older.’ There were a couple of other folks that taught me the same thing.

Sharon with parents

Sharon’s parents finally sold the farm long after others had ‘gone to town.’ They began to travel and engage in social activities long denied them because of the many hours and hard work on the farm. They were like Mig and Pat.

Mom and Erwin and Brian

My mother used to confuse me with her distain for old people. Whether it was dancing at the Marigold Ball room with her new-found friend (soon to be her second husband) when she was in her seventies or card games at Gloria De Lutheran Church in her eighties, my Mother would go on and on about the old people at both places. Now I’ve come to understand what she was grousing about.

There seems to be a trap that a lot of older folks fall into as age creeps into their lives and slows them down. All too often, they become more self-centered and absorbed with only themselves. Their view of the world becomes more narrow and sheltered. In turn, that isolation from every-day life makes them overly cautious, concerned, and protective of their own self-interests at the expense of relationships with others. It becomes a gradual transformation into someone you don’t want to be around for any length of time.

Mig and Pat are just the opposite.

Mig working

Pat painting

These great-grandparents are still very much engaged with the world around them. They still babysit their great-grandchildren, travel, engage in social activities, and are very much involved with their church and community. Mig is quick-witted, sharp minded and engaging. He can talk with some knowledge to anyone about almost any subject. He’s like my youngest granddaughter. Leave him in a room with strangers and he’ll have ten best friends in no time at all. Pat is just the same.

Mig working

Like my mother, Mig can’t stand to sit still. He has to be on the move all the time. He still does electrical work whenever a job pops up having been a master electrician all his life.

I’ve come to realize the secret of growing older with grace and panache. It’s simply to keep moving; physically and mentally. It means being engaged in just about anything that makes you want to get out of bed in the morning. It means spending time with your adult children, your grandchildren and just about anyone younger than yourself. It means doing what excites you, moves you, and fulfills even your most modest of ambitions. Mig and Pat are sterling examples of this.

There’s no doubt about it, when I grow up, I want to be just like Mig.