B & C Come to Visit

One of the many undiscovered joys of life for me was to become a grandparent. Growing up, I had no idea what a grandparent was supposed to do or be. The kind of influence a grandparent can have on a grandchild is phenomenal. I’m not talking about material things which don’t mean Jack in the greater scheme of life. I’m talking about the little things, the little day-to-day incidents that can mold and shape the kind of person a child becomes. I can only hope that Sharon and I have been that kind of influence on our five kiddos.

Sharon and I with the five grandchildren

Aside from a couple of visits early on in my life, there were no grandparents from either family ever present as I was growing up. Fast forward many years and Sharon and I have been blessed with five wonderful grandchildren. Unfortunately three of them live in Denver and, aside from their Palm Springs visits and our (pre-pandemic) trips to Colorado); we only get to see them once or twice a year.

Fortunately each year, both Brian’s and Melanie’s families are able to join us in Palm Springs for either Thanksgiving or Christmas. Each visit is a wonderful memory-collector for the entire  LaComb/McMahon family tree.

Since they were infants, Brennan and Charlotte have stayed with us in Apple Valley for visits, playdates and sleepovers.  They stayed with us for two weeks a couple of years ago when Melanie and Scott did an anniversary trip, traveling through Europe.

Unfortunately this summer, with the pandemic in full bloom, it was different story. We only had the kids for a week sans sleepovers. That was too bad because Sharon and I have created quite a tradition with their Chocolate Chip pancakes for breakfast, a fast game of either bumper cars or radio-controlled cars.

Usually we would end each evening at bedtime with a new story of their favorite made-up character called ‘Copper the Hopper.’ This long held tradition of ‘Copper the Hopper’ bedtime stories usually included a heavy dose of tickling, finger-snaps on the head (simulating getting hit by golf balls) rolling off the bed and more tickling. By stories end, the bed covers were in shambles, both kids over-activated and ‘time out’ needed to calm down before we kissed their foreheads and put them to bed.

Sharon and I know that we can never pinpoint just what experiences are being stored in our grandchildren’s collective memory banks. Scooters in the desert. Dress up at the St. Paul Grill. Nana’s pool. Cupcakes?

Closer to home, it could be B & C’s favorite climbing tree, garage sales, ‘Copper the Hopper’ bedtime stories, Culvers restaurant, dress up dinners with Nana and Papa, beadwork on the porch or cooking classes.

With their abbreviated one-week stay this summer, we managed to get in the Minnesota Zoo, a lot of porch fun, working in the mulch garden and of course, their favorite climbing tree.

Sharon and I agree that one of the first things we’re going to do once the pandemic is over is fly to Denver to spoil, entice, and spoil some more the Denver trio of Maya, Samantha, and Spencer. Closer to home, we’re going to stage another weekend blast at Nana and Papa’s house for B & C.

If they’re not too old, we’ll invite ‘Copper the Hopper’ along for the romp, ride, and joyful reunion.

Grandparents United

Until my wife got into Ancestry.com and began digging into our family history on my father’s side, I never really thought about my grandparents and uncles out there. They were all far removed from my life growing up and were never a blip on my consciousness. It turns out, I had an uncle who lived in Montana most of his life and ended up in Los Angeles and died there in 1973.  For roughly thirty years, he knew he had a nephew and niece in Minnesota but never made an effort to contact my sister or me.

My grandmother (on my father’s side) came to see my sister and me once when she brought my stepsister along. I have no idea what happened to my grandfather on that side of the family. I saw my step-sister one other time when I was six. So much for that side of the family.

Unfortunately, my grandfather on my mother’s side died seven years before I was born. That’s a shame because he sounded like one hell of an interesting individual. I wrote about him and my mother in another blog entitled: Hilde and the Old Man.

My grandmother was around for a while after I was born. I’m told my mother took us up to see her a few times in St. Martin, Minnesota. Obviously that made no impression on me growing up. So I have no memory of either set of grandparents. No relatives on my fathers’ side and only the most vapid of impressions and memories of most of my uncles and aunts on my Mother’s side.

The century-old pattern of ‘sending the grandchildren a birthday card with a dollar inside’ continued with the next generation. Brian and Melanie have only a cursory knowledge of my mother and step-father, not much better with Sharon’s parents. Nothing of real depth or con-sequences. That’s unfortunate but certainly not unique.

Thank heavens, that behavior pattern on the part of grandparents has changed with my generation. Nowadays they come in every size and shape and form. They’re Catholics, Jews, Agnostics and non-believers. They’re Democrats, Republicans, Independents and some not sure where they stand politically. Their names range from the simple Nana and Papa (my personal favorite) to every creative moniker under the sun.

But the one thing that seems to unite most of them is their deep ongoing love of their grandchildren and a strong desire to be an important part of their lives. This new generation of grandparents are re-configuring and redefining their role in their grandchildren’s lives. Many Boomers had a far different, much closer bond with their own children than they had with their parents. Now they want to continue that deep connection with the grandkids. Most want to leave this next generation with memories and experiences rather than a pot of money; thank you very much.

This became abundantly clear to me during the recent COVID-19 outbreak. I heard over and over again how our friends wanted to get back home or just spend time with their grandchildren. In most instances, their own kids said: ‘Thanks but no thanks, Mom and Dad. Stay in place and when the coast is clear of viruses, you can see your grandchildren.’ To a person, we all ‘got it.’ Our grandchildren’s health and welfare circumvented any desire we might have for those little urchins wrapped in our arms. But it wasn’t always that way.

My observations over the years paint a much different picture with our own parents and grandparents. There are exceptions, of course, and a lot of our parents did step up to the plate and baby-sit, house-sit, travel with us and overall become a part of our children’s lives as they were growing up. But from talking to friends over the years, I’ve become convinced that those grand- parents were the exception rather than the norm. I grew up hearing a simple mantra:’ Children should be seen and not heard.’ In other words, those little people weren’t worth conversing with until they reached their teen’s years or even beyond.

Every situation is different but I’m sensing that what I experienced is probably more common than not. To put it in the proper perspective, our parents and grandparents grew up in a world very different from the one we knew.

For many, it began with the great depression, followed by World War 2 then Korea for some and finally a seismic wave of cultural and social changes beginning in the 1960s. But there was something more subtle, more pervasive and more rigid than the changes swirling around them. It was a cultural and social phenomenon that didn’t see little children as anything more than farm help, kitchen help, church servants and a burden on family finances until they could earn their keep. It was an attitude passed down from one generation to the next for a long time. It was what our parents and grandparents understood and quietly accepted.

For the most part, that’s changed now. The new norm is grandparents babysitting, grandparents on trips accompanied by their grandchildren, and grandparents becoming an integral of the little urchins’ lives. I’m seeing a change with my generation and I hope it gets passed down to the next one and the one after that.

Every kid deserves grandparents in their lives. Someone to teach them, spoil them and fill in where the parents can’t or don’t or won’t. What a wonderful experience for both parties.

Sharon and I are very lucky that way. I’d say our grandchildren are too.

New Sheriff in Town

It’s a routine that’s worked out very well in the past…even with a new member of the family. The parents leave town. Sharon and I come into town to take care of their kids, our grandchildren. It provides a wonderful one-on-one exchange, new routines for everyone involved, treats and experiences not normally associated with their everyday lives. It’s our chance to spoil them, teach them, train them and impart our collective wisdom of more than a few years on their malleable minds. The phrase I whimsically used to use was that ‘there was a new sheriff in town.’ That’s no longer applicable.

We’re no longer ‘the sheriff’ in our mind or theirs. Our Colorado grandchildren have grown so much over the past year and we just spent two weeks with them in London and Paris. By now they know the routine. It’s still our chance to bond, teach, inspire and motivate beyond what their parents already do on a daily basis. What has changed ’our routine’ is their maturity and expanded list of extra-curricular activities. From piano lessons to gymnastics to soccer tournaments, just to name a few, the kids are extremely busy and we’ve become the defacto chauffeurs, caterers, art teachers and card sharks. Oh, and I can’t forget ‘Cash.’ He’s changed the equation too.

Our first evening with the kids began quietly enough with piano lessons and then Spencer’s gymnastics lesson. We even had time for the kids to watch a cheerleading class held at the far end of the mats.

Samantha’s weekend soccer tournament probably took up the majority of our time and attention. Everything else had to work with or around those forays to the vast soccer complex in a neighboring community. Hundreds of brightly clad young girls and boys and their ever-present, over eager parents crowding the sidelines and shouting directions at the coaches and refs.

Samantha is on a great team this year and regularly scores several goals per game. That’s not just an overly enthusiastic Papa speaking either. That weekend they won the tournament and provided great entertainment. It wasn’t as stressful for me watching her play as it was when Brian wrestled in high school but it came a close second.

It was important to work our traditional garage-sale explorations into the weekend equation. The kids had to negotiate their own deals with the sellers if they wanted the collectables their parents weren’t crazy about having around the house.

As in London and Paris, there were the obligatory art classes with Nana teaching the use of alcohol ink, acrylics, and new methods of expression.

Walking Cash, the newest member of the family was a daily occurrence. This labradoodle is only the second dog I’ve ever liked. Then we were treated to several dog shows with Cash the wonder dog performing all the new tricks the kids had taught him.

Breakfast ritual with Nana’s world-famous chocolate chip pancakes.

No weekend visit from the grandparents would be complete without several games of Poker and Trash to learn the art of winning and losing.

Then a last minute Costco run found a special treat from Nana for our last dinner before leaving. While in Colorado we heard from the Minnesota duo who had just completed a twenty mile bike ride that weekend. All of our grandchild are avid outdoor enthusiasts. We are blessed with five very active grandchildren.

And, to be honest, visiting Colorado any time of year is a fun experience too.