Nurse with a Purse

As we age there are many myths and legends that follow us into that golden wheat field of lingering promises. What will our legacy be? What have we accomplished with our lives? How will we be remembered?

Then there are the subtle warning signs only meant for those of a certain age. I’d call those the follies of old age; gold digger verses nurse with a purse.

We used to laugh at the scenario of the old comfortable codger (of means) being seduced by some fair vixen who was only after his money. Apparently, it’s a real thing. I know several couples who live in retirement communities and the lure of ‘sugar daddies’ is no laughing matter. Some older men feel they must have their guard up when courting the fairer sex for that very reason, overly aggressive lionesses’ intent on sharing their bounty of success.

Of course, on the other hand, women have their own warning signs to watch out for. Older single women can be concerned about older gentlemen looking for a ‘nurse with a purse.’ These are senior men who want to attach themselves to a woman who has the time and financial resources to care for them as they age. Makes for some interesting conversations when love slips into the equation.

The accompanying infirmities of old age are often the elephant in the room when it comes to senior relationships. We know we’re all going to age and with it will probably come health-related challenges. Ignoring or denying it has its own set of consequences. So, what to do when one of you has to face that challenge?

For those with a committed spouse, partner, close friend or relative, it can change the equation of ‘what used to be’ totally around. I experienced that new reality recently when my wife had several medical emergencies this summer. Suddenly, I became her nurse. It was our purse and besides, it was part of the package, no questions asked.

Once back home, a whole new lifestyle began for both of us. She was now the patient and I the care giver. For a control enthusiast like my wife, it was very hard to give up control of most things. In addition, she was experiencing pain from the arthritis in her back and lower limbs and continuing pain from the wounds on her legs (a long lingering issues).

Fortunately, I’ve been healthy all my life and haven’t experienced a lot of pain. The worst I can remember is (mentally dying) sixteen miles into my last marathon and then continuing on walking and shuffling for another ten miles to complete the race. Every muscle and bone in my body was crying out for me to stop but the thought of quitting wouldn’t let me.

This lack of pain experience on my part makes it hard to put myself in her situation. Patience and understanding become paramount here while I help her navigate even some of the simplest tasks.

Two thoughts here. Time changes all things. Health is wealth. I see all of this as part of the package I agreed to some fifty-three years ago. I’ll be around as long as she needs me to be. While her healthy assets are low now, we’ll work together to get her back on track. It’s what you do when you need to step up to the plate. You know; nurse and patience and whatever it takes.

Having a purse doesn’t hurt either; blessed we are.

Reinventing Yourself

There was a lecture on ‘The Great Gatsby’ by two professors at the University of St. Thomas recently. During that discussion, the question came up about the ‘American Dream’ and if F. Scott Fitzgerald was really talking about this iconic (really world-wide) focus on success and prosperity in his novel. Is ‘The Great Gatsby’ really a metaphor for the great American dream? If so, then what is success?

In this Trump-infused world, many have been led to believe that the accumulation of material goods such a money, cars, homes, and material possessions are true signs of success. In the real world that so many of us live in, the true sign of success is doing what you want to do with your life and enjoying it. Of course, that trite quote doesn’t get a lot of ‘hits,’ ‘downloads’ or ‘notices’ in our over-caffeinated latest, greatest, most stupendous (often outrageous) social media statements.

This focus on success wasn’t always so cloudy in this country. There seemed to be a clearly delineated pathway in terms of financial advancements for the average person. After World War Two, there was unprecedented growth with the GDP. For several decades, the middle class grew and prospered. Unfortunately, that growth slowed and gradually lost its luster beginning in the late 60s and early 70s.

The intertwinement and entanglements of business and political interests had been going on for a long time. It was an open secret that lobbyists weld an enormous power in Washington for the vested good of special interests and the moneyed elite. It was the middle class who were getting the short end of the dollar stick in most of these transactions, arrangements and agreements made into law.

Norman Lear’s autobiography ‘This Too I Get to Experience’ touched on the same subject matter……short-sighted vision instead of long-term perspective. Lear talks about a conversation he had with a Harvard professor who lamented ‘the most rapacious societal disease of our time: short-term thinking.’

The professor explained: “There will be a time very shortly when young people-very young people- will be looking into computer screens. They will be looking directly into screens, not to the side, so there will be no peripheral vision; they won’t be looking over the top, so they won’t see what’s ahead; they’ll be staring straight ahead into those screens, blind to everything ahead and around them.”

“Money managers and financial product traders will be selling, buying, and swapping financial products around the world. With that narrow focus, like a horse with blinders, they will have more control and hold more power in those split seconds than we can today imagine. And all of it entirely focused on short-term gains.”

Back in 2008, the near collapse of our world-wide financial system, and Wall Street in particular, should have been a wakeup call for all Americans to pay more attention to their wallets and events happening around them. Unfortunately, not much seems to have changed over the ensuing years. Every day there are new financially-coated products, events, angles, schemes, and ‘can’t lose’ facades presented to the general public.

To that end, reinvention and financial literacy should be a topic of interest that every American should acquaint themselves with. ‘What is financial literacy all about, you may ask? Essentially, it is the ability to use one’s knowledge and skills to effectively manage financial resources, ideally for a lifetime of financial well-being. Indeed, financial literacy is something we all have to work on each day—it’s part of our ongoing education.

Despite being a relatively new field of study, financial literacy has become increasingly important for governments and citizens – without it there can be broad implications for the economic health and stability of countries.

It simply comes down to that old, worn, yet so true cliché: Let the buyer beware. We all have the responsibility to listen and learn for ourselves instead of letting someone else do it for us. To use common sense instead of group-think and to forge our own path to enlightenment instead of following the crowd. Reinvention is another approach to ponder.

My own story of growing up poor has been chronicled in many blogs over the years. Again, it wasn’t something my friends and I were acutely aware of aside from the lack of a family car, no summer vacations and few material things around the house. Most of us started working at an early age and accepted that as ‘par for the course.’ I chose a different path for myself.

Sharon began doing chores on the farm when she was six years old. If the bulk tank wasn’t cleaned twice a day, her dad couldn’t sell his milk as grade A and there wouldn’t be a milk check at the end of the month. She remembers growing up with no sink in the kitchen but a shiny new bulk tank instead in the barn. She also chose to not follow her peers and remain on the farm. Higher education and the world of academia beckoned her attention.

One of the St. Thomas professors commented that usually it isn’t the ‘most likely to succeed’ senior who becomes the artist, writer, inventor, etc. More often than not, it’s the outcast, the shunned, the under-represented. But it’s not one of ‘those folks.’ The IN crowd need not apply.

Reinvention is one approach to seize the opportunities present and not follow the masses. As nebulous as words like ambition, hunger, and striving might be, the simple fact is that nothing much has changed over the years. The Gilded Age and Nick’s ‘roaring twenties’ both manifested the same trite cliches and banner headlines. Today, one’s knowledge of the truth behind the façade goes a long way in this new world of podcasts, social media posts, and TikTok nonsense.

Yes, prices have gone up, some opportunities have disappeared and sometimes the future can be a dark and bleary horizon for a lot of folks. But the simple fact remains that a lot of the cliches about success we’ve heard over the years still ring true. These are all simple, sometimes simplistic but true statements. Bottom line; it’s all up to you.

Do I know if the American Dream still exists? Frankly, I don’t know but I have to believe it does…and has for generations. It’s still up to each of us to find our own way in this crazy, exciting, sometimes contradictory world. If not us, then who?

White Trash

Most of us, whether we’ll admit it or not, have areas of interest that might surprise a lot of other folks. Where this subject matter comes from is less important than the depth to which this attention to detail can grasp at and hold tight to our reflective consciousness. Some people might call them our ‘hot buttons’ or for others, their ‘touchy subjects.’ No matter the moniker, the subject in question often seems to capture our attention and hold it tight.

I am guilty of those inquisitive infractions. For whatever reason, my attention is often drawn to the subject of class in our society. In my mind, it ties in nicely with ‘The American Dream,’ ‘Class Consciousness,’ and (the old favorite of mine) ‘rising above your raisin'.'

Over the years, I’ve read several books on class. It’s a subject matter that has long since fascinated me on a very personal level. Perhaps the thin fabric of my upbringing had a lot to do with it. Growing up, it certainly wasn’t the glamor of wealth or accumulated material possessions that caught my attention. Instead, I think it was the place that American society had sketched out for me as a child based on my social, economic, and cultural upbringing.

Both my grade school and high school councilors slotted me into educational tracks based on my test scores. My family structure certainly didn’t help advance any educational chances at success. There were sometimes understood and other times openly stated assumptions that I would follow a pre-ordained path and certainly never give any thought to ‘rising above my raisin'.’ My mother and father did just that. My grandparents the same. That simply was the way it was and always had been back then.

I recently read a scholarly study of class in America entitled: ‘White Trash.’ Without apology, I’ve enlisted the help of ChatGPT to give a summary of the book.

White Trash: The 400-Year Untold History of Class in America (2016) by Nancy Isenberg is a historical study that challenges the idea of the United States as a classless society. Isenberg traces the roots and evolution of class divisions in America, focusing on the persistent stigma and social marginalization of poor white people—often labeled as “white trash,” “rednecks,” “hillbillies,” and other derogatory terms.

Nancy Isenberg argues that from the colonial era to the present, class has always been a defining feature of American life, even though the nation has long promoted the myth of equal opportunity. She explores how elites and political leaders have used class distinctions to shape social hierarchies, justify inequality, and control land and labor.

The book begins with the English colonists who viewed North America as a dumping ground for Britain’s “waste people”—the poor, criminals, and indentured servants. These early settlers were seen as expendable laborers, and this attitude laid the groundwork for centuries of class prejudice.

Isenberg traces how these class labels persisted through American history:

• In the 18th and 19th centuries, poor whites were described as lazy, degenerate, and unfit for citizenship, often excluded from education and property ownership.
• In the Civil War and Reconstruction eras, politicians and writers reinforced stereotypes that pitted poor whites against Black Americans to maintain racial and class hierarchies.
• In the 20th century, cultural figures—from eugenicists to politicians—used “white trash” imagery to discuss morality, genetics, and the supposed decline of the nation.
• In the modern era, the term has resurfaced in politics and pop culture, reflecting ongoing discomfort with poverty and class mobility in a society that insists everyone can “make it” through hard work.

Throughout, Isenberg shows how class prejudice has shaped American politics, settlement patterns, and cultural identity. She concludes that “white trash” is not just an insult but a window into the enduring reality of class inequality that contradicts the American Dream.

While some of Isenberg’s chapters are hard to chew on and digest, their message is very clear. We have always had a class structure in this country and we love to pretend that it isn’t there.

‘Educating Rita’ as a wonderful example of these phenomena. Educating Rita was a 1983 movie starring Michael Caine and Julie Walters. A woman takes night classes at ‘the university’ and finds to her amazement that she has the knowledge and talent to succeed there. But forces in her life all seem to conspire against her. Think of this romance/drama as the American Dream without the violins and background music. Instead, you’ll hear the scrapping of fingernails on a blackboard and the vision of the future that can’t be reached.

Another good example of this idea is the movie ‘Rudy.’ Based on a true story, ‘Rudy’ does a good job of examining the complex and confusing roles that class places on folks seeking to break out on their own mold and for those who don’t want them to leave the fold.

My latest novel entitled: ‘Agnes’ deals with an imagined love affair between a college-educated young man and a middle-age woman. She is a secretary at his work. She cares for her elderly mother in the same home she was raised in. Her life is simple and sad and complete with no window to the future until he steps into her life. Their educational backgrounds, social standings and exposure to the ‘real world’ all conspire along with their age differences to erode the affection they feel for one another. Class does matter even though people love to pretend it doesn’t.

The theme of class differences has permeated a lot of my writings. Whether in a play structure, movie or novel, the idea of class differences fascinates me.

One of my first novels ‘Love in the A Shau’ painted a picture of just this scenario with my main protagonist. I also touched on this concept briefly in several blogs: ‘Damming the Intellectuals’ and ‘Rising above Your Raisin’ as examples of social and economic crossovers.  Another blog entitled: ‘Book of ‘61’ talked about the caste system at my old high school.

That caste system (strictly my words and impression only) at Cretin High School was neither good nor bad, right nor wrong. It was simply recognition by the administration that some students were better prepared for college than other students. Test scores were the primary indicator of this placement but I’m willing to bet that socio and economic factors also played a role in that determination.

Class is a worn-out pathway we are forced to follow until such time that we consciously select a different route to travel. It is a conscious, and perhaps at other times, a subconscious decision to follow our heart and head instead of directional cues from those around us. It might mean leaving behind friends and family who choose to stay in place.

But in the end, it’s being true to oneself and seeking fulfillment where it means the most…to you…consequences be damned.