Fast Friends and Fragile Friendships

Now here’s a classic ‘elephant in the room.’ Those individuals you’ve known over the years, the ones most think of as friends, who you see differently. ‘Acquaintance’ and ‘friend’ can be two very different vernaculars. As I continue on with my ‘coffee and chat’ sessions, it’s become apparent that I’ve really lucked out with the folks I’ve chosen to meet with. I know a lot more folks than those chosen few but these friends remain among the best.

Friendships are like life-experiences, collected and treasured for the moment, while others are vaguely remembered before turning to dust. A few old relationships slip into some corner of your brain and remain there for the rest of your life. Generally speaking, the majority of friendships are scattered back into that dustbin of old memories; good and sad mixed together.

High school friends, Army’s buddies, first job comrades-in-arms and the like all fall into that latter category of ‘fast friends’ for the moment. Then graduation, discharge or job transfers end the close relationships while life keeps marching forward and another one takes its place.

Whether they’ll admit it or not, a lot of folks like to search ‘Facebook’ for traces of their old friends, past acquaintances, co-workers, boyfriends, girlfriends and lovers. It’s a safe way to scratch through the fog of time and find out ‘whatever happened to’ with some degree of accuracy.

Last year, I wrote to an old friend I hadn’t heard from in some time. I got no response. We were best friends in the early years. We shared the drama and trauma of high school, attended sporting events together, and often times double-dated. Then he went off to the monastery and I went to college. We got reacquainted at our 50th class reunion. My wife and I saw him and his lovely wife several times before he began ghosting me and that was the end of that friendship.

Sharon and I have several friends who are going through major life changes now. It’s almost as if the writing is on the proverbial wall. Fewer get-togethers for the theater and other outings. They are moving on with their lives; new interests, and consciously or otherwise, shedding the cloak of the past to wrap themselves in new life experiences. Some old friends, as we used to know them, are slowly changing even as Sharon and I both move on with our own respective lives.

This last summer, I was able to solidify my ‘coffee and chat’ sessions with eight solid partners with whom I can share general, specific, bland, sometimes outrageous, interesting, and occasionally intimate details of our respective lives. We met at the beach, my back patio, park shelters or wherever we could put down our camp chairs.

Will they all last? Who knows? I certainly hope so. We all seem to enjoy the meet-ups and the sharing that goes with it. For now, I want to enjoy the moment, savor the sharing and keep plowing new ground in hopes of solidifying the friendships that have grown from this shared experience. Just another angle of everyday experiences in the wider spectrum called life.