My Obituary

How we got on the subject, I have absolutely no idea. Sharon was talking about somebody’s obituary and said it wasn’t very good. “If you don’t want someone else writing your obituary, “She said to me, “You need to write your own.”

Not surprised or shocked, I thought it was a good idea. What the hell, I know myself better than anyone else (even my wife who thinks she knows everything about me) so why not me writing it instead of a family member or relative.

With that thought lodged firmly in back of my mind, I gradually became more aware of obituaries and what they told me about the person who had just passed. I still don’t read them religiously like some folks but every once in a while, my eye will catch one and I’m hooked.

Not that long ago, I stumbled across an obituary from an old high school chum who had disappeared from my radar several years ago. I was shocked to read that he had passed away almost a year earlier. One always feels sad knowing that we never had that last chat, final good-bye or chance to reminisce about lives well lived. Yet, while reading his obituary, I was so impressed by his generous work on environment issues, charitable causes, etc. He was a modest man but very accomplished. I’m proud to say he was my friend.

There was another fellow acquaintance who passed recently. His obituary didn’t tell me anything new but reaffirmed his commitment to his church, community and family. He was an all-around nice guy.

Then there was a local business owner in my hometown. He was rich in land and purported to be the fourth richest man in the state. Over the years, through his involvement in local organizations, I got to know more and more about him. Little of it was nice. He was rich, arrogant, combative, and in a perpetual grudge against someone or something. Chaos seemed to be his breakfast of choice and he relished the battleground of public opinion on almost a daily basis.

When he passed, there was a citywide silence followed by a few smatterings of ‘something nice to say’ where there was little to draw from. He had led a life of unhappiness and held on to his crown of ‘that old curmudgeon’ all of his life. It followed him to his death. Sad, to say the least.

Then another ‘notice of passing’ caught my attention. This from a local real estate mogul who had acquired numerous properties around town. I read about his passing in the local newspaper. It wasn’t his obituary but could have been. It described his many properties and the fact that he was well known and feared for his combative stance against anyone and anything that threatened his bottom line. He would fight with city officials, county officials, state officials, and any group that (he thought) posed a threat to his financial holdings.

What’s interesting about this observation is that a person’s obituary is probably the last piece of information anyone will ever have about the just deceased. It can be good or bad, depending on who’s writing it. Most are flowery descriptions of a life well led, a perfect marriage, idealist children and grandchildren and ‘isn’t life grand’ kind of fairytale. Sometimes true, sometimes not.

The obituary of the recently passed Rosealyn Carter is a great example of someone who lived her life by her own standards of love, compassion, and caring. Her husband, Jimmy Carter, will have the same kind of ‘final thoughts.’ They lived their lives as true Christians and I say that without any religious denomination in mind. They walked the talk and their obituary’s will show that.

I have a favorite quote I picked up in Maryland from the best boss I ever had. It’s simple and complete and (for me) says it all. If there is a legacy here, it’s that I tried the best I could. I’ve been so blessed with the woman I married, the two children we raised and the five grandchildren who fill our lives with happiness. It doesn’t get much better than that.

In the end, and for all of us there will be an end, wouldn’t it be nice to have something true (and honest) said about our lives. Not the wealth accumulated or the battles won or the great achievements society wants to add to our laurels. But rather the fact that we lived our lives as truthfully and honestly as we knew how with the limited time we had here on earth. And our legacy lives on in the lives of our offspring; simple as that.

Now that would be an obituary worth reading.